living irish

Starting over

2005-10-14T11:01:00.000+01:00

I don't know any other way to tell you that I've started a new blog. I decided to go with kalliope's suggestion and it's called importing guinness. Do I just post the url? It's here, I think. We'll try that out.

Back and busy as ever

2005-10-10T00:43:00.000+01:00

Just a quick post to say I'm still alive. I got to Seatt1e last Tuesday and I don't have internet connection long enough to do what I need to do and blog. Now I found a funky little wireless coffee shop and I can have my coffee AND get online for free. But I still don't have a lot of time. Funny how that is.

What I've done since I've been here:
-found a gym and started working out on trial membership. jury is still out on this one.
-gotten an offer of a contract job from my old boss in the Bay Area to do some work for her.
-met my next door neighbors in my new house and are they cool?!
-changed addresses on everything, joined Costco, called about car insurance
-went to the cabin this past weekend with my roomie and her boyfriend
-got my library card (one hour free internet at the library, til I get my house set up!)

Gosh, it doesn't sound like much. Huh. I have felt really busy! Still much more to do, so not a lot of time for being online. I just wanted to let you all know I was still alive!

You can tell you're in the northwest when....

2005-10-04T21:52:00.000+01:00

you get the best thai food that you've had in years.... I don't know what it is about the Bay Area but in the eight years I lived there, I could never find a good thai restaurant. I had a great one when I lived in Seatt1e but there is definitely an absence of thai spice in the multicultural area known as Silicon Valley. But I pulled into Eugene, 0regon after 9 hours on the road today, stopped in my hotel to check email and wandered down the street to a thai restaurant I'd seen on the way in. I had probably the *best* thai meal - gosh, the flavors, the HEAT - that I've had in years..... it was gorgeous and I'm thoroughly satisfied. Sigh...

(edited to note: how many times can YOU use the word thai in a paragraph! and is it meant be Thai?)

Tomorrow I take off for my new home. I can't wait to see my new house!

Decisions, decisions...

2005-09-30T06:47:00.000+01:00

What am I going to do? I can't exactly call my blog "Living-Irish" anymore, now can I? As Ang said, I have to update my profile. But I won't be able to change the name, will I? Hmm. I'll have to think about this....

Will write more later.....

Last roadtrip in Ireland

2005-09-28T21:15:00.000+01:00

A few days before I left, M and I took a roadtrip down the east coast of Ireland and around to a place called Tramore. We took a few photos, mostly for M's dad since he's from there, and I had a few moments to get them uploaded to yah00! So here it is... Some of them look the same but I am just too lazy to pick and choose.

Been home a couple days now. I'm finally starting to feel normal again. I've had some Santitas white corn chips, which I have to say I was dying for, served with some nice guacamole, which is always fitting down here in Southern Calif0rnia. It's good to be back.

Back in the U.S.S.R...

2005-09-27T05:31:00.000+01:00

Well, in the USA anyhow. I had a great flight out yesterday after a not-too-sad farewell. I am too excited about our future to be sad, really. We have so much happening to us.

Do I miss Dublin? Well, there are people to be missed mostly but the city itself, is just another city. Once it becomes familiar, you see the ugly as well as the beautiful. Still, we went into town on Saturday, just wandered around taking it all in. We walked through Temple Bar, watching the buskers. We had lunch in the Elephant & Castle (actually the best burger I've had in Ireland), wandered down by the Liffey and looked around in amazement at all the people. There was a parade/march/protest on, supporting the release of IRA prisoners and honoring those that died. I have my own opinions about that but I enjoyed watching the bagpipe band, the sound of those are so haunting to make you cry...
After that, we went out to Rathgar and stopped for my last lovely pint of Guinness. Only it wasn't that lovely, truth be told. It wasn't as creamy as I liked and I was a bit disappointed. Since I only can have one, I felt cheated. But such is life, sometimes. I'll miss that, even though I don't have it much. There's nothing like it in the world.

So new life starts now, a few busy days with the parents, then up to Seattle I go, Miata packed to the roof and CD player blaring. I love a good road trip.

Small hiatus...

2005-09-22T13:39:00.000+01:00

Probably a week or two. I need to get packed and say my goodbyes to everyone here before I leave on Monday. I won't write much until I get back on US soil.

Looking forward to our future. I never thought I'd say this but I'm looking forward to getting back to work. lol

Til later...

It just keeps getting better

2005-09-18T09:54:00.000+01:00

I know I told you that we'd decided to put our house on the market, which we did, selling it ourselves. We decided we'd do two weeks on our own, then if nothing panned out, we'd get in a realtor.

We had quite a number of people looking at it, which was a good sign, but in the end, only three couples bid on it. One dropped out quite early so there will still two and we wanted to make a decision by this weekend. Well.... M now knows why people use agents.... He liked both couples who were bidding, although he liked one couple better than the other, and he had to keep making calls back and forth when each one raised their bid. It was nervewracking because we were flabbergasted at the price at which our house was getting bid, we kept thinking that eventually someone was going to say, no, that's just too much. But they didn't. M was stressed. One couple were first time home buyers, the other had an apartment they were selling and they needed til Friday to make a decision. It kept going back and forth. Finally, one couple said that they couldnt go higher.

The couple M liked got it although when he called to tell her, she said nothing and had to go because she was driving in the car. Of course, he thought she was going to change her mind and not want it. But it turns out she was just shocked and had no words to say!! The couple ended up coming over yesterday afternoon, they were a nice couple and you could see how thrilled they were to get the place - kept saying how much they love it and are so glad they'll be near all her family and friends. I was happy for them! The other couple told M that it was the TWELFTH house they were outbid on. Gosh I feel for them! How awful!! I told M we should've given it to them, but I'm a sucker for things like that. Ugh, I feel awful that they have to go through the process again, I know how that gets. You get so excited and then your hopes are dashed. Sigh...

I'm still shocked at the price they paid for this house. It's like the Bay Area prices all over again. It IS the Bay Area prices all over again. Still, it's good for us. She wants to have the paperwork signed before their trip to Spain on the first! It can't get any better than that! Keep your fingers crossed.. it means M will come to America in early November instead of January! Yay!

The day after....

2005-09-16T11:26:00.000+01:00

So yesterday we woke up to pissing rain outside. It has been sunny recently and warm, yet on the one day we had something important to do, it had to be raining. We ended up laughing about it, remembering our realtor in Seattle's comment that in some cultures, rain is actually good luck! It was when we bought our house. We stuck with that thought throughout the day.

I had to get some paperwork notarized so we went to the embassy around 10am. Our interview was at 1pm. I went in on my own, while M scoped out parking near the embassy for later. I went in thinking it would be quick but ended up waiting about 30 minutes before someone called my name. Then I handed in the paperwork and waited another 15 minutes to be called. My stomach was in knots. They had taken my cell phone from me at the check-in, so I couldn't even tell M how long it was taking. Finally, at 11:45, I got back in the car and we tore home at breakneck speeds.

M still had to shower and iron his shirt (come on, you don't think I'd do it, do ya? Ironing is definitely his forte.lol) and jeans. I heated up our lunch - leftover fajitas - and since it was taking a while, I decided to put his back in the microwave and proceeded to lose control of the plate and drop the whole thing on the floor!! lol What a f$%^ing mess! So, while I had a lovely warm fajita, he had a cold cheese sandwich. Poor pet!

Anyhow, we were out of the house in a flash and back on the road by 12:15. We got back to the embassy at 12:45 and there was a small line outside. Fortunately, this time we brought an umbrella and we needed it. We had to wait outside until the security opened (after lunch, I'm guessing) and they shuttled in one group at a time. We finally got in, got our security badges, handed over our cell phones and went into the interview office. We sat down in a row of chairs (reminded me of the DMV at home) and waited for our name to be called. There were about 6 other groups of people - a family, a few girls on their own, a guy on his own, ourselves...

Finally our name was called. We went up with our paperwork. We had a middle aged woman. We couldn't decide if she was friendly or not. She asked for the first form called the DS-230 - she said we didn't have it and proceeded to give us a DS-156 to fill out - I think she was confused but whatever. The first thing we had to do was fill out 2 copies of the same form! Talk about nerve wracking!! Eep! Our hands were shaking as we wrote out the information, thinking how unorganized this felt. Finally, we got the two forms filled out and we continued handing over our stuff. The woman seemed really frazzled (or maybe that was just us!). She asked us some questions but nothing too exciting. How did we meet. That sort of thing. Then she asked us to sit down and wait for the consul who would question him some more.

So we sat and waited. It was funny. It was kind of like a bank, with 4 windows, and you had to go up to the window to hand over the paperwork. Everyone could hear your story, there wasn't a lick of privacy. We heard another guy who was also trying to get the k-1, talking about how he met his fiance online, how 'lovely' she is, here's some photos, etc, etc. He was so nervous, he was talking excessively.. It was cute. It passed the time anyhow. lol

Finally M got called back up. He went up on his own this time. The minute he left, the girl in front of me started talking to me. I couldn't listen to them both, so I didn't get to hear what the guy was asking M. I did hear him ask about how we met, what I did for a living, what he did for a living. The girl I was talking to was sweet. She also was going for the k-1 visa. We ended up getting her email address, even though she's moving to Ohio. We had a nice chat with her.

So after he finished (about 10 minutes), he had to sit back down and wait for the visa. That was it. All 3 of us k-1's got the visa that day. It took, in total, about 3 hours and the visa is in our grubby little hands! As R said..... WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!

V1SA Interview today

2005-09-15T08:35:00.000+01:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Ah, feel much better now. I had a tough time getting to sleep last night, thinking of all the questions we could get asked but now I just have to let it go. Of course, it's pissing rain outside just to make us feel more doomed! lol (Does that mean the sun will come out later when we are successful? :))

Anyhow, I will check in on Friday and let everyone know how it went. We will be drinking tonight whether successful or not!!

Something funny.

2005-09-12T12:49:00.000+01:00

Last week we were watching the World Cup qualifier between Ire1and and #France. M's sister was here and there was a lot of shouting and cheering. Ire1and lost, I think it was 1-0 (can't remember at this point). But neither of them were bothered because, on the other channel, Northern Ire1and beat Eng1and!! Apparently, this is like a Litt1e #League team winning the W0rld Series against the NYYankee$ or something. The loss was forgotten and there was some serious excitement about the NI team.

I guess as long as Eng1and doesn't win, the Ir1sh are happy. lol

Seriously girlie post

2005-09-11T13:03:00.000+01:00

Sorry Joe, I can't imagine you want to see photos of my engagement ring. lol

I just realized how old my hand looks in this photo!!

This is showing the setting but I don't think you can really see it that well.

Other than that, all is well over here. We've had an offer on the house and have a number of people interested! Someone actually ripped down our For Sale sign which is pretty sad but the number of young ones walking around on a night of drinking, it's probably no surprise. Ah well!

We watched the All_Ireland Hurling Championships today. Ireland is the only country that plays hurling - it looks similar to field hockey but at the same time doesn't. It's an incredibly fast moving game - none of those sissy commercial breaks like the States - and it was a good one. We cheered on the underdogs - Galway - but unfortunately they weren't able to pull it out in the end! But it was a good fight!

GOT THE RING!!! Holy crap!

2005-09-10T08:20:00.000+01:00

Last night M and I went to dinner... We'd gotten a gift cert from some friends for our engagement to a place not too far from home. We hadn't been able to get in contact with the place for a few weeks but finally made reservations for last night. In between our scrumptious dinner (he had steak, I had monkfish - gorgeous!) and our dessert, he put the little box on the table. I put the ring on - it looks as cool as I remember it... It was weird taking my thick silver band off my middle left finger (it wouldn't look good next to the shiny new platinum) because I've worn it there for 15 years... But it isn't taking me too long to get used to it. When I can find what we did with the digital camera (cleaning too much because we've been showing the house), I will take a photo and post it.

Oh, and we've had 5 or 6 people look at the house and a few more coming today! Just waiting for someone to make a darn offer!!! They've all loved it (so they say)...

Our trip to the sunny coast of northern ireland

2005-09-05T14:29:00.000+01:00

Or not.

I made the photo bigger so you could see the formations, as well as how drenched I am!

We drove up to G1ants Causeway last Wednesday. We had a lovely drive up the Antr1m Coast. It's a beautiful drive. Not too long either. The whole day was only 350 miles. But we puttered our way along the coast and we arrived to Carr1ck-a-mede rope bridge (one of the places I wanted to go) and it started raining... Of course it did! We decided to stop and have lunch and see if it would pass. When we emerged from the pub, it was still raining steadily. We weren't sure what to do, hiking to a rope bridge and walking across it is precarious in the best of times, so we decided to drive on.

We continued along the northern coast to G1ants Causeway, a natural rock formation formed from a volcanic eruption. It was still raining so we continued to the next town. While we were there, the rain died down so we hurried back to G1ants Causeway. We paid to get in and almost immediately, it started raining in buckets. Worse than before!! We stopped for tea and waited... Silly me..blushing.. had forgotten to bring a rainjacket so we were 'sharing' one (re: I was wearing it and M was suffering.. what a gentleman!). It wasn't the best planning on my part, I have to say. Finally, we just decided to go for it. They had a shuttle that drove you the one kilometer (we had hoped to do a nice walk), so we paid for that and went down, took 10 photos and got back on the bus as drowned rats. We ended up driving home last night. It was an awful drive, torrential rains and road closures but once we crossed the border to the republic, the weather was fine!

P.S. Did I mention it's been gorgeous and 75 degrees since that day! lol

P.P.S. Here's the legend behind the G1ants Causeway...

Leaving for the Antrim coast tomorrow

2005-08-30T21:45:00.000+01:00

Before we put the house up for sale, we are taking a quick road trip to northern Ireland. I have only been once (to Belfast, when my parents were visiting). This time we are going to follow the coast north of Belfast, I saw it on TV and it looks absolutely stunning. Plus we are going to Giants Causeway as well. I can't wait. It was the one thing I wanted to see before I head home at the end of September.

Looks like we are going to try and sell the place ourselves for a couple weeks (there's a house down the street going on the market, which means if we get a For Sale sign out, we can take advantage of their traffic!), if it doesn't give us what we want, we'll go to a realtor.

See you all on Friday!

To sell or not to sell, that is the question....

2005-08-29T22:44:00.000+01:00

We are finally finished with all the little projects in the house. Which means, we are finally ready to put the house up for sale! Yay!! It looks good, now that we've cleared away the junk, taken away the unused clothes for donation, etc, etc..

So, we are unsure whether to use a realtor or sell it ourselves. Now, it's not like the States... well, California anyhow, where 6 percent is a standard rate for agents to sell. When I sold my condo, which really sold itself, we had to pay my realtor 6 percent (and we didnt even like him at the end, so you can imagine how I felt giving him $17k for one weekend's work..). Here, the standard rate is 1 1/2 percent. Yep, one and a half percent. Same as California, the realtor doesn't really have to do any work - pop the property up on the website, a few flyers and a sign. The place will sell itself in two weeks... But the seller doesn't get raped. (BTW, there's no buyer's agent here either)

M wants to try and sell it himself. The thing we need the most is to get it on the property listing - like the MLS, which you can't get on unless a realtor sells your place. So, that leaves ads in the paper, ads up in the shops, a sign in the yard. We live in a cul-de-sac, which makes it hard for traffic 'going by'. You can't put signs out on the main road, indicating the house for sale in the estate, you get fined. Our biggest concern is just getting traffic, people coming in. That's what the agents here do for you.

That's where we're at. Trying to make a decision. It shouldn't take too long. We'll probably go with trying to do it ourselves fora few weeks, then engage a realtor if it doesn't happen for us.
Wish us luck!

In this day and age...

2005-08-25T17:00:00.000+01:00

There's been this story on the news today. It's on $kyNews which is a UK tv station. It's about a kid who was murdered as he was walking his girlfriend to the bus, or something like that. The guys who killed him did it because he was black. Wha-a-a? And it wasn't pretty, they killed him with an axe to the head. I have seen this story the past few weeks, his funeral was today. I just.don't.get.it. Again, I'm wondering how on earth ANYONE can hate anyone so much that they would do something like that. It shocks and saddens me.

It's just one of many things that confuses me about our society.

The funniest show I've seen

2005-08-22T07:22:00.000+01:00

Typically, I hate reality shows. Hate is such a strong word but it's strictly true in this case. Crap with a capital C. They seem to love 'em here in the UK. I can't seem to avoid shows like Pop1dol, XFact0r, Amer1can 1dol, Celebr1ty L0ve 1sland... god. It's endless. But yesterday we were flipping through the channels and something drew our eye. It was a show called My B1g Fat 0bn0xi0us B0ss or something like this. It's filmed in Ch1cag0, I don't know when it came out in the States... probably last year since we are always a season off here. Anyhow, it was absolutely hilarious!

For those that don't know the premise, it's like The Apprent1ce meets.. well, I don't know what it meets.. if you lived here I'd say The Apprent1ce meets L1ttle Br1tain or something but nobody know what that is.. or the 0ff1ce. More people know that show. These contestants are supposedly seriously pursuing a career with this D0nald Tru^p sort of character, only this guy is an actor (well, aren't they all?) and he's making all this sh1t up for them to do. It's totally a joke. Only none of the contestants appear to know it. He kicked the first guy off because he didn't like his suit and watch. He just seems to make it up as he goes along, then he gives them these ridiculous tasks... we couldn't stop laughing.

By the way, workouts are going well. Eating seems to be a bit harder - it's easy when I'm at home and I can control it. We went to M's sister's house for dinner one night and his parents for tea the next. I just took small portions so as not to offend but it's hard. These irish mammies are known for pushing you to eat! Ok, not different than my mom but there you go. lol I've decided not to weigh in until a month gone by, mostly because I know it'll change a bit with the water loss, then the muscle gain/fat loss thing. I don't want to get disappointed so currently I'm using my clothes and the way I feel to judge. I feel better and that's the important part. Still got a long way to go though - hoping to lose at least 20 pounds. It's going to take about a year, I'd say! lol
Actually, it's not that funny. It probably will. I'm prepared.

Hobbling along

2005-08-16T08:22:00.000+01:00

Well, since my friends left, I have decided (again) that I need to get back into shape. I've let myself go in the last six months. I didn't mean to let it go that long... I just got tired of the workouts I was doing, then I thought having a few extra beers or wine wouldn't hurt, then I spent many months traveling that made eating well and exercising a bit difficult. I noticed the pants getting a little tighter... the shirts not fitting so well around the belly... I started wearing baggy sweats because it was a little easier... sigh... and now here I am. Waistless. lol

So, since Monday, I've been back at the gym. I weighed myself but miraculously I weigh the same as I did 2 and a half months ago. Which means... unfortunately... that my muscles are obviously gone to sh1t and I've turned into a big blog. I mean, blob. lol I was stretching after my workout on Monday, next to a mirror and eek! horror of horrors!! I saw... (weeping)... the little C. Yep, cellulite. Sigh. That's what I get for doing nothing for 6 months.

My god, it's working!

2005-08-13T08:26:00.000+01:00

Yesterday we had a two or three. Sure, yah, we had to help the little guys over the edge. I had put out a small plastic container, tupperware style, right where the grass meets the bark we put in. I put it lower so it would be nose-level (do they have noses) if they came upon it. There would be no climbing. It was funny because M and I went out every hour or so to check.

This morning I woke up. There must be 10 slugs in the little 4 inch by 4 inch container!! None on the plants, by the way. WOO HOO!!!

I think it's the Carlsberg beer. I should call them and tell them their beer works great at slug bait. But M would probably not like that. He almost had a heart attack when I told him I put his last Carlsberg in (don't worry, there's still Stella Artois, I didn't take his last beer!)

RG, I know all about the slugs at home.... I'll be using plenty of beer there as well! lol

Slug be gone!

2005-08-12T08:59:00.000+01:00

M and I are getting the house ready for an open house. It's amazing how long we put off doing things that end up taking 10 minutes to do and make the place look so much better! lol We bought a few plants for the front garden (to bring a bit of color) and some bark. The place looks like new. Every morning I am out watering my new plants because I am determined that they do not die. Or get munched on by slugs. The amount of slugs/snails in our garden is more than any one garden needs. I saw a couple this morning... trying to make a 'run' for it... I had to use some sticks to throw them far away. I don't like using poison in a garden in case cats/dogs come along, so I half buried a little container and filled it with beer. The slugs are supposed to smell the beer and come to it, then hopefully fall in and drown. I admit I get a little evil when I think about the slugs eating my plants so I can't wait to see if this works! lol

Ok, that's all. Silly I know. Oh, and I finished the new Harry Potter book. Not as good as some of the others but still pretty good. I won't say what happens though.

Off they go!

2005-08-06T19:01:00.000+01:00

Saturday afternoon.. hmm, scratch that... early evening, it appears. I dropped my visitors at the airport this morning after nine days of a whirlwind. Out of the 3, only one I knew well enough to spend a week with in a car. I should have remembered my feeling about traveling with people I don't know (don't do it). Even with people I know, I'd have to be *very* careful about spending 24/7 with in a traveling kind of way. Fortunately my friend B is a good fit. We travel well together. I know we'd travel even better if I was feeling fit, exercising and energetic.

The other two ladies are sisters and not close ones at that. The older one I know through B and have been to her house in E1 Cerrito a few times for dinner. She's kind of unusual in her own way. Her sister is younger, 7 years so, they didn't really 'grow up' together since R was so much older. They are very different, one being fairly independent and the other not so, at all. R would constantly comment on how J needed to be more independent but then would treat her like a child. J obviously never did anything for herself because she didn't have to.. Anyhow, I liked them both for different reasons but would never travel with either again. I don't know what I was thinking in the first place.... although obviously, I wasn't.

Still, it wasn't *too* bad. I've learnt my lesson.

My friend B is Chinese. Born in HK but reared from the age of two in Chinat0wn in SF. She makes a mean authentic chinese dinner. In thanks for our hospitality, she hosted a chinese dinner for 16 of our friends and relatives. It was kind of an engagement party. It was Thursday night and she literally spent the whole day creating her masterpiece. The two others went into town for touring and M and I alternatively helped her and ran around like crazy trying to get in alcohol and get my signature notarized on escrow papers. It was craziness. But it was phenomenal... homemade eggrolls, sweet and sour spareribs, chow mein with veggies, fried rice with chinese sausage, etc, and baby bak choy and shitake mushrooms. Delightful, I must say. Drink was plentiful, food was plentiful and no one left til about 1am, on a school night no less! lol

So they all hopped on their flights home this morning and M and I started cleaning. He worked on the shed and I worked on our bedroom, packing some clothes I won't wear, getting papers together and cleaning out the desk so we can throw it out. We took a big pile to the dump this afternoon and feel considerably better about things. It's really been about 10 weeks since we've had a 'normal' life - exercising & eating right were out the window, so it's time to get back in fighting shape!

That's all for now.

Moving forward!

2005-07-31T15:37:00.000+01:00

I checked my email on the road and I saw that the first step of our v1sa process is complete! My application has been approved, which means it moves on to the next step. We found out on my birthday which was a great birthday surprise... Unfortunately, I didn't win the €110 million l0tt0 that took place the same day. lol

Besides that great little surprise, I got to see M for my birthday. One of the girls I'm travelling with, her husband works in France and decided at the last minute to come for the weekend. So, we called M and had him catch the train down and he spent the last two days with us. I loved it!! We had so much fun...

That's it for now. Just wanted to update you all on my great news!!

Going away again...

2005-07-26T22:52:00.000+01:00

My friends have arrived from California and tomorrow we are on the road again. Four girls in a Subaru Legacy, driving on the other side of the road. As I am the only one familiar with driving on the other side of the car, I won't be getting to drink too much Guinness this trip! lol

I just wanted to let you know I'd be out of town until next Wednesday. In the meantime, my birthday will pass (37th!) and escrow is meant to close as well. I hardly have time for a road trip. :) But I better enjoy it as this probably will be my last hop around Ireland this year.

Everyone have a great week and I'll see you on the flip side.

Well since it seems I can't sleep...

2005-07-24T07:03:00.000+01:00

I'll tell my other news..

Some of you already know that M proposed to me. I said yes (eep!). So the story goes something like this... I'm afraid, while sweet, not long.

Tuesday morning M was awake early. Because he was awake, I kind of woke up, he asked did I want to go for a walk on the beach. I rolled over and said, no, I'm still sleeping. And proceeded to do so for another 3 hours or so.

But midday, he suggested it again. I was in a serious funk for a number of reasons - just tired from living in others people's homes for 6 weeks and wanting to get home to my own, and feeling blah because I haven't been exercising. I agreed and we drove down to the beach. We flipped of our flip flops and walked from Oceans1de to Carl$bad, about a mile or so. We decided to stop for mexican food, my last for awhile. After a yummy meal, it was back down the beach. Being summer, the beach there is more crowded than I've ever seen it. We walked back, talking and people watching, until we came to a place where the crowd kind of thinned (too far for people to walk from their cars). M sat down, I sat down. He got back up on his knees and faced me. I didn't think anything of it until he started saying something about me spending the rest of my life with him (honestly, I cannot remember his exact words!). Part of my brain was thinking, aw, he's joking again but I said yes, in case he wasn't. And he wasn't. lol

I know I've said this a number of times in different places but I truly didn't think we'd get to this point. I mean, it was always a big cloud in the distance, geez, I can remember when he told me he'd never get married again. It doesn't seem that long ago. I remember breaking up because he hadn't processed the pain of that previous marriage. But I didn't remember that the spot he asked me to marry him was the same exact spot where two and a half years earlier he told me he still loved me and didn't want to be without me. It was when we got back together. Pretty cool. :)

So there it is, the story. We went and bought some champagne and two bottles of our favorite Sterling Cabernet (the only expensive wine we like) and broke the news to my parents. I think I heard a sigh of relief, if I'm not mistaken. I'm sure they were wondering. Needless to say, they were pretty thrilled. We flew to Paris the next day (lol) and then when we got home, we told M's sisters the good news. But then his parents came over and we stopped talking about it. Due to reasons I've mentioned before but said I wouldn't mention anymore, he told his parents alone the next day. Everyone is thrilled. Yay, they like me! lol

Finally made it home...

2005-07-22T12:32:00.000+01:00

After a long day yesterday, we arrived home about 6pm last night. Our time. We lucked out on our two legs of the flight - San D1ego to C1ncinnati we got emergency exit seats (can you say leg room?!) and Cincinnati to Paris we got bulkhead rows (again, leg room, YAY!) - but apparently we were destined to bad luck because after arriving to Paris 10 minutes late and sprinting (think OJ in the H3rtz commercial of the 70's (or think of him escaping the police in the white truck, both are the same vision)) to the gate for our short jaunt to Dubl1n. It was 6:55 am and the door was just shutting as we arrived - sweaty and out of breath after weeks of no exercise! - and they wouldn't let us on.... M was fit to strangle someone ( I couldn't be that mad as I was still trying to breathe) and I let him go onto the A1r France desk himself to give the girl a piece of his mind. (To be honest, I was bummed but it wasn't worth getting mad about... now if we'd gotten left behind in Cincinnat1 for example... that would be something to get upset about... but this was Par1s!!!) After a few moments of grief, we were re-scheduled on a flight to Dubl1n at 4pm. We smelled, we were exhausted, we were carrying two bags that seemed to get heavier as the day went on, but we were in Par1s.. We marched (okay, slow walk after all the running) right down to catch the train into the city... We had a whole day.... ahh...

Here's a few photos that M took. After a $6.50 cup of cappucino (that's for one!), we wandered around the area near N0tre Dame. Since we only had a few hours and I'd already done the open top bus tour, I suggested the river tour (too tired to walk).

The Eiffel Tower flanked by 2 statues on the Alexander 3rd bridge

N0tre Dame

Houseboats along the Seine

We had a great lunch out, then made our way back to the airport where we caught our flight home. M kept reminding me to tell everyone that 'he proposed, then flew me out to Par1s the next day' to make it sound really good... but I haven't mentioned that proposal here yet. That's for another post...

So, after 13 hours of sleep, I'm back and online and ready to catch up with everything I've been missing for 6 weeks! It's good to be back!

Short note...

2005-07-17T20:06:00.000+01:00

If anyone is still even checking up on this anymore.... lol

After 2 plus weeks in Seatt1e, we have bought a house and changed the course of our next few months together. But we have a home together, a start together and I'm looking forward to that future... Now we just have to get him over here! LOL

I'll have to change the title of my blog to Living Seatt1e-ish or something like that.

Heading home in a few days, maybe I'll be able to say more before then. Maybe not. There is still more to write.

Just a little catch up...

2005-06-24T09:42:00.000+01:00

Not much has been going on here lately. At least not since the excitement of meeting Randygirl and B. We spent the week in the sun.. wake up, do our chores, pack a lunch and the car, lather on the sunscreen and head to the beach. Thankfully, it's only 5 minutes from here. We find the same spot each day - just away from the stairs down to the beach - so there aren't as many people. It's amazing how many people walk, like, five steps and then throw down their stuff. Then they are stuck with people trudging by all day, as well as the multitudes of families with kids.. And this isn't even a busy part of the beach! LOL I remember the days I could lay out endlessly... slap on a bit of baby oil and never get burned... or just lay out there all day peacefully, not even reading a book. Now I go bonkers. I have started bringing an umbrella down with us, a small one, and after about 30 minutes, I put the umbrella up and pretty soon I have a towel spread over my legs and there isn't one bit of me in the sun even though I'm at the beach! I still get tan, even with 45 SPF (must be cheap stuff), and even end up a little crispy some days. I try really hard these days NOT to get crispy. But sometimes it happens. Anyhoo, besides the beach..... well, not a lot doing. We met some people at a local irish pub and tonight we are invited to meet up with them at a local Jazz music in the Park sort of deal. So we are going and looking forward to it. We certainly didn't expect to meet anyone here... my typical experience in CA is that people are kind of flaky when it comes to making plans (have you noticed that R?), that it always makes me want to make more of an effort. But these people have been really welcoming and I have to admit, I'm surprised. Hopefully this weekend I will get to meet Anonymous G and Randygirl for a lunch or chat session.. Still waiting to hear on that. And E, when should we book our flights? I think it's winter there now? Should we wait for better weather? :)))

I hope you are all doing well. I will be heading to Seattle next week to look at houses so I may or may not be online. RG, hopefully you and I will be able to meet up as well!!!

Hi. My name is A and I'm an....

2005-06-18T07:44:00.000+01:00

alcoholic.... Just kidding... (although I'm not sure that R and her B would agree! LOL)

Seriously. We had them over for dinner last night as they were down in So Cal and I proceeded to drink far more wine than a person needs to! LOL I think the rule is when you are meeting people, you should retain some sort of sense of reality in the evening, but my hosting skills went out the window at about 11pm, methinks! (Sorry R and B!)

But I know M and I had a great time laughing and chatting with them and it's wonderful to now put a face with a name I have known online for a while. They are a lovely couple and it's lovely to see them 'in love'. Yay!! It was fun.

A little bit about my trip.

2005-06-11T17:34:00.000+01:00

Italy was lovely. We really had a great time. It's one of those places where, if you had moved apart from your loved one because of work commitments, time commitments, family commitments, whatever, this place would bring you back together. It would make you sigh with contentment and wonder why you hadn't done it sooner.

Now, granted, there were a few disappointing tidbits. The food in that region of Italy wasn't that great. Maybe because it was a touristy area? I don't know. I usually love pesto sauce but it just wasn't interesting. I make a great caprese salad (you know the one - slices of tomato, buffalo mozzarella and basil drizzled with olive oil and balsamic vinegar) and we got a half-hearted excuse (just some tomato slices with the mozzarella - uninspired I have to say). We just weren't impressed. And the amount of tourists!!! My gosh. The trains between the five towns were absolutely black with people during the week and worse on the weekends. Insanity!

Miraculously, we had no problem finding a room. A nice quiet place, really clean and not too pricey. We stayed in Manar0la, which of the 5 down the coast is the fourth down. The first day we arrived, dropped our stuff off, it started raining. We dove into this funky wine bar - tiny room with exposed stone walls, picnic type benches and tables with lots of people filling the seats. We got a 'pitcher' of wine (a cool ceramic pitcher like you'd get in mexico) for 8 euro and some bruschetta and we thought we'd hit the jackpot. It was a great place with great atmosphere. It didn't rain long and so we wandered out to the cliffs to take a little hike. Lovely scenery, ocean right beneath us, sunset right in front of us. What more could you ask for?

Over the course of the week, we found out that if we took hikes, we wouldn't have to contend with any crowds. Because the towns are very compact near the lower part of the hill, by the ocean (ok, not technically an ocean but a sea - sorry about that), if you walked up the hill, you essentially walked to the 'parking lot' for the town (there were no cars allowed in the town), then past that and into the hills. Very few people on the trails. We were to see why later.. If you saw the photos in the last post, the trails were exposed and with great views. Some people just don't like that! LOL

We did about 3 hikes ranging from 30 minutes to 6 hours.. The hike to Porto Venere was tough but lovely.. coming into town at the end was stunning. We took the boat back to our base in Riomaggiore (we had moved by then) and it was just another interesting way to see the coast. I highly recommend this area if you get to Italy, although there are so many great places in Italy, you really can't go wrong.

The 6th day dawned cloudy so we hopped the train back to Milan. The train takes you through a number of tunnels and at one point we came out of a dark tunnel and the sky was black (it was maybe 1pm in the afternoon). We and the other 4 people in our car looked at each other in shock and it wasn't long before the most fantastic thunder/lightning storm took place outside the train. You couldn't even tell it was still daylight. We decided to head back to Milan, stay with my brother that night and then head out of town again in the morning.

Our final day dawned bright and sunny and we boarded the train to Lake Como, to the north of Milan. We really lucked out because the rain had cleared off the pollution and the place was stunning. There were a few photos on my link that I posted. The area is well populated but not oppressively so. We took a water taxi around, just stopping at various stops and looking around. It was a hot day so it felt good on the water. Afterwards we wandered around the town of Como, which is pretty cool. There is a good 10 blocks of pedestrian walkways - no cars - with shops lining the walkway and churches tucked into random corners. We almost didn't see that part of Como, as we had no idea it was there. We were heading back the train and took a wrong turn and happened upon this great part of town! Score!

Anyhow, that's about it. It was a lovely trip, already seems off in the distance and it was only a few weeks ago! Hard to imagine.. Anyhow, we are here in San D1ego now and still waiting for the sun to shine... June gloom it certainly is! Anonymous G and Randy, I hope we can meet up while I'm down here. RG, looking forward to meeting you up north!

Argh!!!

2005-06-06T22:26:00.000+01:00

I have two posts in draft and I'm dawdling with them. One of them is a post of my trip and the other a particular issue that I had on my trip. It's hard to separate the two but eventually I will finish them..

The other day I accidently wiped out my iPod. Sigh. Tomorrow we leave for 6 weeks and I'm now trying to squeeze some music onto it. My friend bought the new Coldplay while she was here, as well as Modest Mouse and Franz Ferdinand, so I even get a little new music to listen too. That almost makes up for the fact that I have to re-do my whole iPod. LOL

We've planned two weeks in Seattle to look around for houses and just basically goof off. The rest of the time we'll be in So. Cal. If anyone located in these two places would like to meet for coffee or something????

Talk to you on the flipside.

Book tag thingy

2005-06-05T10:37:00.000+01:00

My friend left here today, so I can finish the 3 posts sitting in draft finally. We had a great time but I'm behind and just now catching up with everyone's posts.

---

The instructions are very simple, answer the 4 questions and tag 5 new
people on your blog. That's it - enjoy!

1. Total number of books I've owned: I've owned books at various times in my life but certainly not many... maybe at the height of it, a few hundred. But I've moved and travelled and saved money to travel so I've started checking books out from the library again. Currently, boxed up in Oceanside, I probably have 100 books.

2. The last book I bought: I haven't purchased a book in over 2 years. Or more. Maybe The Four Agreements? by Don Miguel Ruiz

3. The Last Book I read: The Forest People. by Colin Turnbull. My dad left it here when he was visiting and because he told me to read 'The Catcher in the Rye' ages ago and I loved it, I thought I'd give it a go. It's about him living with the Pygmies in the Belgian Congo back in the 50s. It was quite good.

4. 5 books that mean something to me: (been thinking on this a few days, not really in order)
a. Altas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. (it's a favorite but not because I necessarily believed in her theories, just a good story on a number of levels)
b. Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
c. The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho
d. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
e. The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger

I know there are probably others but without having them in front of me, I'm not that good at remembering. These are the ones that I've read time and again. If you'd said Favorite Authors, I could've answered that one so much easier!!

5. Tag 5 people and request they fill this out on their journals: I don't think I know 5 people that read my blog. And since I received this from one person that does, that leaves one less. LOL I think I can tag Joe.

Photos of Italy

2005-05-31T10:24:00.000+01:00

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been online, I have a friend visiting and we've been playing around in Dublin, drinking much beer and flirting with boys. My friend actually has a date tonight with someone we met on Friday night! The Irish are wonderful..

I will add the link to the photos I uploaded from Italy. Nothing too exciting but lots of beautiful scenery. This photo I added was a little artwork found on one of the walks we did called the Via dell'amore. Hence, the lovers....

Here's some more photos.

I'll write more soon. I've been reading blogs just haven't been doing much else. monica, hugs to you girl, sounds like you are going through some sh1t. I've been sending you positive vibes although I know you got it covered. Take care all.

When the moon hits your eye...

2005-05-26T16:58:00.000+01:00

like a big pizza pie, that's AMORE! ;)

Hi all, I'm back. This is a very quick one. I have so much to say but no time to write it. I have a friend arriving in town tomorrow but may be able to download photos and give a brief description at some point this weekend.

Suffice it to say, it was a great, much needed trip. It was great to spend time with my niece, regardless of how I feel personally about having kids. It was great travelling (traveling? it looks wrong spelled either way!) around by train, reminded me of backpacking through Europe when I was in college only we had more money this time. LOL We saw some beautiful places and it was nice because I spent a good part of 6 months living in Italy when I was 20 and this time I went to places we didn't hit then. I loved it.

Looking forward to our next trip. Heading out to the States in two weeks time. Possibly searching out a new home!

Talk to you all soon. I hope everyone is doing well. I'll try to get onto your blogs to say HI..

The child debate..

2005-05-17T09:50:00.000+01:00

I found this story on Yah00 this morning... Also, I forgot to mention that both Spain and Italy are in similar minds for different reasons. In Spain, the generation that is mine and slightly younger apparently is CFBC because they are enjoying their lives too much the way they are. And I guess in Italy, the child bearing age is much higher, people live at home til they are my age and have children much later than we do at home, which kind of leads to smaller family sizes..

Just a quick note between my regularly written posts, for those who are interested.. :))

I love thunder storms!!!!

2005-05-16T16:46:00.000+01:00

Thanks to everyone's comments on my last post and the one before it.

My uncle did pass away the day they took him off life support and he is living a drag racers life somewhere beyond this one. As I mentioned, my mom is really crushed but I was able to talk to her yesterday and she sounded better. She told me that M sent her an email saying she was sorry about her loss and that his mother was having a mass said for him. My mother isn't hugely religious but was brought up Cath0lic and said she was really touched by that. I got a great guy, I have to say. :)

As for yesterdays post, I love the responses it bring up from everyone. I'm glad to know that I am not the only one... although as I said in my comments, I'm not necessarily CFBC (child free by choice) just undecided at this point. And frankly, I've never been in a position to think about it very seriously anyway. There was a point when i would've had a kid on my own.. not knowing exactly how much work that was, of course... and thankfully I passed that point awhile ago. I know that it requires WAY more work than I can possibly imagine, even with two parents involved.

So, the title of this post anyhow. We are having a fantastic thunderstorm right now, as I type. I LOVE thunderstorms (there are church bells ringing in the distance as well!) and the sound of this is awesome... It's truly dumping out there! WOO HOO!!!

That's all. M arrives tomorrow and we'll plan our next weeks adventure. Looking forward to it!

Most convincing argument for/against having children

2005-05-15T15:16:00.000+01:00

So, it's been what 5 days now? Not too bad but ready to move on. It's hard spending every day with someone with children (child, in this case) because you just can't move as easily as you can without. For someone who has never had children, planning a schedule around a child becomes tedious even though in the back of mind, I understand the necessity. The fact is, I'm selfish. LOL

My niece is really cute. I have to say that. But the reality is that she is TWO. Two and a few months. And she's one of these 'active' kids, which means she is never sitting still. Ok, right now she's having a nap but when she wakes up, she'll be running through the apartment, climbing and jumping off the furniture (glad I don't live downstairs!) and probably shrieking a bit. I know, I know... this is what they DO. But it can be exhausting. Once again, I'm glad M is coming next week and we are taking off. He'd never deal with this and well, I guess a week is enough for me too. I'm sure it would be different if I'd had kids and have something to compare it to. Maybe.

She's going through a phase where she wants mommy all the time. I know this is a phase they go through, it might even be a long phase. I watched my sister-in-law yesterday in the car, with a sinus headache, trying to placate my niece who wanted her to read every book in the car. No one else would do. Well, someone else probably would do but she (my SIL) doesn't let anyone take over. I don't know if that's the right phrase but it seems like because she's been doing it all by herself this whole time, she's in a place where now NO one can help her. Does that make any sense?

Anyhow, I don't know if I could handle that phase... I don't think I could deal with someone needing me every minute of every day. I know if I think about it too much, I'll never have kids. In fact, I may already be at that point. I see why people do it, I enjoy them on the happy moments but I MAY be too selfish to give up that much of myself. Gosh, that sounds awful, doesn't it? Ah well. It's a reality. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I get all wistful thinking about M and I having a little squirt of our own, especially the longer I stay away from spending loads of time with kids. LOL

Ok, I know you've heard it all before from me... but there it is again. LOL

Not-so-good news...

2005-05-12T22:51:00.000+01:00

Been having a lovely time here, a very good day today. The Italian people are so FRIENDLY! I love it.

But some bad news.... I didn't mention anything before but last weekend my uncle, my mother's brother, was in a bad accident. For as long as I've known him, he's raced dragsters during the summer. We weren't particularly close... probably the last time I saw them was at my grandmother's 80th birthday about 7 or 8 years ago. He was a great guy though, from what I knew, always liked him.

Anyhow, he hit a wall last week during a trial or something in Texas (they are from MN) and his car burst into flames and well, he's been on life support all week. Today, in order to his living will, they took him off life support... I guess it won't be long now. They were keeping everyone up to date on a website from a group called Caring Bridge, which was pretty awesome, all the people sending thoughts and prayers... anyhow the last post was about this...

My brother called my mom to get the details, then he handed the phone to me... I can't tell you how I felt as I heard my mother sobbing in the phone... I've NEVER heard her sob like that, not even when her father died and it breaks my heart.... I truly hurt for her and my aunt (her sister).. I told her we would talk tomorrow and hung up the phone...

Gosh, I feel sad for their loss.... for their family.... for his wife who obviously adored him and they seemed to have a true partnership.... my thoughts and prayers go out to them....

And R, haven't heard anything from you in a few days... I hope you are okay. Hugs to you girl...

Buon giorno, tutti!

2005-05-11T21:31:00.000+01:00

Gosh it's been ages since I've been in Italy. All my Italian is out the window and when I think of it, it all comes up in Spanish! It's hard to believe after a two and a half hour flight, I'm hanging around in a completely different country, as well as culture. I'll never get used to it. It's wonderful.

The sun was shining when I arrived this morning, which is a good sign since it was supposed to be raining. It's about 10 degrees warmer here so that feels nice too. I was able to take my fleece off this afternoon and walk around in my shirt sleeves. I miss that! Anyhow, my sister-in-law S and my niece A were there to meet me - at the airport. A is 2 years old, I think I mentioned, and is cute as a button. In fact, disregard everything I said in my last post about it, I think things have improved. All is looking pretty well here compared to the last time. I guess the fact that the baby's grown up a bit is a big difference.

Anyhow, we came back to their apartment here in Monza. It's just a short drive outside of Milan and home to an international raceway. In fact, they just had some kind of motorcycle racing here last weekend. Formula one also races here, I guess. Anyhow, we walked down towards the track (close to their apt is a HUGE park and the raceway is at one end). We walked through this gorgeous, HUGE park, lazily enjoying the sunshine and a nice chat. (Did I mention the park was HUGE?)

We came back and relaxed a bit, then my brother returned home from work. Just in time for their Italian instructor to come by (the company has given them an instructor for a certain number of hours). My brother and I took the baby to the park (a different park). All the Italian mothers were out there with their babies (lots of apartment living means everyone goes to play at the local park) and small children - mothers dressed to the nines in their designer gear, babies as well. We actually saw a small boy in a little white sweater and white pants out there! He probably didn't get to do anything fun, lest his outfit be ruined! Poor thing. Other than that, it's a nice idea actually. People getting together with their neighbors for an hour or so at the park, then home for the 9pm (or later) dinner. It's a different lifestyle, isn't it?

And the people are friendly. And they make eye contact! And the old men's glances linger and I DON'T CARE! I'm just so glad someone is making eye contact, even if it's kind of creepy.. LOL
I just give it back and smile wildly and say 'Buon giorno!'

La dolce vita

2005-05-10T22:19:00.000+01:00

Finally I am starting to take advantage of being in Europe. Europe! I am taking a flight to Milan tomorrow so will be out of touch again. My brother has internet at home so there is the possibility of me checking in on people but not sure about writing... we'll see.

Hugs to you all and yes, G, I'll have a glass or two of sangiovese for you.. (twist my arm! LOL)

Until we meet again...

And now, a word from our regularly scheduled program

2005-05-08T20:45:00.000+01:00

My mood has lifted, as I expected it would. I know there's a weird vibe in the house right now, all this talk about life changing decisions has us both a little stressed. I can see that my mood is a product of what I am feeling about myself and my life, even though I want to blame it on his snippy mood. I know his snippy mood is probably related to the same thing, or maybe my attitude, or more likely, a little of both.

I made plans to go to Milan this week and see my brother, his wife and my niece. I'm looking forward to it, not only to see them but also for a little time away. I need a bit of 'me' time. Himself will come along after a week and the two of us are planning our little week away. Cinqueterre is the place I want to go.. I've done most of Italy, since I lived there for about 6 months. M's never been so it's whatever he'd like to do, really. I'm open to whatever. (We've started looking at old Tuscan country houses there! LOL)

Anyhow, that's it for today. My dad sent me a photo that I've been wanting to post, something that made me laugh the first time I saw it and always makes me chuckle.. Still wondering exactly what it means... (I'm guessing 'the end of the road')

Pity party, my turn

2005-05-07T16:40:00.001+01:00

Anonymous G, you mentioned that my photos were smaller here than the way I used to do it, so I've included the link so that you can view all the photos in a slideshow. I hope that works better for you.

Not too much to say today. I think I mentioned we had an offer on the other house. We should be getting a deposit this coming week although that doesn't mean we are out of the clear until all the papers are signed. But that hasn't stopped us from planning some holidays! :)

I think I may have mentioned that my brother, his wife and 2-yr-old live in Milan, Italy right now. For a variety of reasons, I haven't been out to visit yet, mostly because, while they were never wild and crazy people, now the child seems to run the family and determine what they do and, well, it can be boring. I love my brother to bits but this was definitely a child 'for her' and there's a weird sort of vibe at their house. (At least there was the last time I was there.) So I've putting it off.

On top of that, M doesn't feel comfortable there, mostly because when we visited last August, my sister in law was absent during most dinners (feeding, bathing, and putting to sleep for 3 hours!) and my brother would go to bed quite early as he commuted early in the morning to get to work (they were living outside Chicago at the time). They weren't able to make it comfortable for him, I guess. Which puts me in the middle. I want to see my niece but don't want M to be there all the time and then I feel like I have to make his experience a good one. Does that make sense?

So we agreed that I would go a week early, he would come out and join us for 2 days, then he and I would take off for points unknown for a week or so. He's never been to Italy so it would be fun to show him Florence and the Italian Riviera. It sounds like a good deal, if they're up for it.

We are trying to squeeze a trip in before my friend comes to visit at the end of May for 10 days. Then AFTER she leaves, we are talking about a trip to San Diego for 6 weeks. My parents will be travelling for a few weeks and we'll have the house and cars to our own. Then they come back and we spend some time with them, until we have to return near the end of July for my next set of friends to visit!

After that, we need to figure out what's going on. We are starting the paperwork for the f1ance visa soon, still going that route. But we have soooo many options for what to do with our lives. I know I've blathered on about this many times. We would both enjoy a B&B (although we might put that off for a few years), we would be open to anywhere in Europe, or the States. We can't decide. We like to joke that we are in 'paralysis by analysis'.

At the end of the day, I told him I need to work. Some kind of work. Something to feel accomplished, I'm definitely flagging in this department again. I need us to say, okay we are going to be *here (*insert city, country here) so that I can get a job, apply for school, buy some chickens, open the B&B, whatever it is. I will be happy as long as I am productive and I'm not feeling the least bit productive. And I can't get motivated to be productive. I just need one thing to get the ball rolling. Sigh. Been here, done this before.

Why can't I feel this here? I just don't. It's always felt temporary to me, like there was something different we were going to do. If we were staying in Ireland, we were going to find a house in the country but now we are leaning away from that due to housing prices and the weather. Gosh, I don't want to post this because I sound like such a whiner. I'm going to stop because, truth be told, there's just no good reason for me to not be *doing*. The rest is all excuses.

Me and single malt scotch

2005-05-05T18:05:00.000+01:00

I forgot to tell about one of the great bits of our trip to Scotland! We passed many, many distilleries on our way around Scotland - including Glenlivet, which most people know. Unfortunately, since we were touring around by CAR, which involves driving, and the fact that we were in kind of the 'off' season as far as opening hours are concerned, we weren't able to go to too many.

The goal became finding one that did a 'free' tour with a tasting. But we let it go too long (meaning the trip was coming to an end) and finally one sunny day, we stopped at a small one called Ben Nevis. If you are like me, you've probably never heard of it. Because they produce a smaller amount than some of the big names you know, they mostly export to Europe and Japan. Anyhow, it's a privately owned distillery and while it wasn't free, it was only £2 to get the tour and tasting. AND, we each got £3 off a bottle with our ticket stubs. Not bad.

I'm a huge fan of single malts and I have to admit I do like a smoky taste. I drink it neat, with a glass of water on the side. I acquired this taste for scotch when I was in my late 20's, I dated a 40 something guy and we used to go out in Seattle, listen to jazz piano, drink single malt and smoke cloves. Tres chic! Or poseurs. Depends on which way you look at it, I guess. LOL

I learned quite a bit about 'single' malt, which is really a misnomer. The guy who did the tour was a wealth of knowledge. He kept teasing my dad and I (being the only Americans on the tour) that we probably had more of a taste for Johnnie Walker and that sort of thing. While my dad DOES drink that stuff, I've never actually liked blended whisky unless it's the end of the night, I'm drunk and it's mixed with Coke or something. I was slightly offended and told him I never drank the stuff. I think I rose in his estimation and we started to hit it off after that. LOL

After the tour, we were fortunate to get a tasting. The guide poured us all a tiny amount and I tasted it. It wasn't bad, I had to admit, even after learning that most 'single' malts are actually blended (blended meaning, different ages, different casks and different areas where aged might be in the same bottle. the 'youngest age' of the scotch added to a bottle, gives it it's 'age') and I was tasting a blended scotch. He gave us tips about tasting and actually said that it's okay to use a 'little' water (after the first sip) because the water will bring out different flavors in the scotch. I was the only one still standing there listening to him (as it was the end of the tour) so he brought out a few more bottles of older scotch and poured me the more expensive stuff!

Of course, the best was the 12 year I think it was... At £23, it should be. (I'm sure even older was better but I didn't managed to get him to pour me any of that!) I was fairly buzzed by then but fortunately they had a little cafe where my parents and I got some lunch. I was hoping to buy a bottle but something about being unemployed, having my parents footing the bill on my Scotland trip, and it just being odd to buy alcohol in front of them stopped me.

It wasn't until later that evening that we remembered the 3 tickets at £3 each (must've been the alcohol clouding my thought processes!)... I could've gotten my nice bottle of Ben Nevis for £14! Damn. They don't sell it in the stores. They don't sell it in duty free.. So, I guess I have to wait until my next trip back to Scotland.

More organized than I'll ever be

2005-05-04T16:10:00.000+01:00

Gosh, I've been sitting inside here in the office on this mostly lovely day, on a site called V1saJourney and let me tell you... the process is daunting. Fortunately, this great site has a forum where you can ask questions, where most people have listed the timeline of their V1sa process. But the amount of paperwork! Whew! I'm overwhelmed just because I'm not the most organized person who ever lived.

Some of the things they ask for are easy. I can provide proof that we've met in person in the past two years (well, obviously because I'm living here and passport stamps also work), I can provide my birth cert (which I emailed my parents to send without giving any details of why I needed it), we can take the passport photos and he can provide the Divorce Decree.

Later on it'll get trickier. I need to provide proof that I can support him. They ask for 3 most recent pay stubs, tax return (I have one from last year but only worked part of the year), and proof of assets and/or accounts with money. Nobody can seem to tell me for sure if my Lynch account will be enough but some *seem* to think it will be. I'd hate to have that wrong but I don't exactly want to ask anyone to sponsor him! Hopefully it won't come to that.

Anyhow, this is just the beginning. He's mentioning it again but I still seem to be the one doing the work. Why is that? I told him it feels like he doesn't really want it as much but he insists that's not the case. I know it's not but you know what I mean... I guess the first bit is really MY part to do anyway, we each have some paperwork to fill out but I have to send it in since I'm the American whose petitioning. I guess that's okay. He'll be forced to do his bit later - interviews and such.

It's all good. I'm feeling happy about it again. Thanks for all your support out there. Even the hugs. It's exactly what I need!

A little bit of news...

2005-05-03T22:37:00.000+01:00

requiring some fingers crossed please... :)

We got an offer on the other house. The one that was being re-worked, remodeled whatever. M decided to sell while I was in Scotland and I supported whatever he wanted to do. We decided that we'd try and see if he could sell - before the big money projects got started (electrics, plumbing) - and he put up a crazy price. Today he got a call saying someone had offered it and we accepted! We don't have any earnest money yet and they could still pull out but I think it bodes well for our future..

We also spoke to an agent about putting this house up as well. That's still in the 'discussion' phase but who knows?

I posted a bunch of photos today one post down. Take care, all!

Photos of Scotland

2005-05-03T15:45:00.000+01:00

A few scenes from Scotland. Hopefully you can see what I was trying to capture:

Rush Hour

Church in Edinburgh

Edinburgh Castle (it was hard to avoid the ice cream truck in the photo)

Spring Colors come to Edinburgh

Loch Ness

Sweetheart Abbey & Cemetary

I really didn't get too many shots that I was terribly proud of, even though we saw a lot of beautiful places. Edinburgh is one of the prettiest cities I've seen. And clean. I *highly* recommend a visit.

A little ho-hum

2005-05-01T22:43:00.000+01:00

This weekend has been fine, pretty low-key and all.

I think I got a little excited about the possibility that we might finally be moving towards moving back to the States. To just making a decision about our life and starting it, instead of living in this sort-of-limbo. But then we had a little talk - about his fears about selling the house, of us not working out, of all the options we have and is that making us seem not committed to one thing. We both have very different outlooks on life. In the last few years, I've always approached my big decisions with 'What's the worst thing that can happen?' on my mind. I look at each option and follow it down to the 'worst' path I can think of and then I come up with solutions to each of those fears of perceived problems. It works well for me. When I sold my condo, I thought 'What's the worst that could happen?' and I thought of the outcome, we wouldn't work out, I wouldn't be able to live in the Bay Area again because I wouldn't be able to afford it. But at the end of the day, I didn't really want to stay in the Bay Area forever... by selling the condo, even if it didn't work out, I wouldn't be tied to that property. I could go and stay in France with my friend, or Milan with my brother, or with a friend in Seattle til I got back on my feet. It doesn't really seem like a scary thing anymore. It just is. But for him, it's much harder than that. I try to use my approach and it works momentarily but at the end of the day, he needs to work it out for himself. And at the end of the day, I don't care what we do as long as we are together. But we need to make a d-e-c-i-s-i-o-n. We need to either:

1. decide to stay in the semi detached in Dublin. we still have to do a civil ceremony so i can work(necessary for my sanity in the long run) and then i look for a job.
2. sell the Dublin house, buy this great guesthouse we saw in Clare and make it a B&B. i start raising chickens, we buy a couple golden retrievers and we create a lovely walking track on the 28 acres of forest land (sounds nice, doesn't it? :))
3. sell the Dublin house and buy the lovely B&B in Cabo that we saw and start a new life in Mexico. ;)
4. sell the Dublin house and move to San Diego, Medford, Seattle, Albuquerque, etc, etc. and start a life there. also involves marriage-type thing if we live in the U.S.

etc, etc.

Yes, it looks like we are confused but at the end of the day, we just need to decide and follow that path. I'm ready to start that now.

I realize I've been here almost 8 months and haven't done much. Okay, hardly anything. How will I explain my break when I go back to actually looking for a job? (I'm sure I'll think of something) I thought I'd work out a lot, instead of taken a two month break from almost all activity except for walking. I thought I'd do some volunteer work although my travel got in the way and then the fact that nobody seemed to appreciate when I showed up. I got frustrated and quit that. I have been the most unmotivated of my life. I still am. I really need to get back to work - to some sort of structure, some time to my own. To be honest, I kind of want to go home. With him, of course. But I kind of want to go. But I'm probably just in the dumps and I'll feel differently tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.

A bee in his bonnet...

2005-04-29T09:56:00.000+01:00

Geez, early this week we are talking of *fiance VISAs and now we've moved into calling realtors in to look at the house and see what we need to do to make it viable to sell. Someone's got a bee in his bonnet and I'm not complaining. Truly, I'm just surprised. And ecstatic.

We're holding off inviting people to stay now, as we don't want to be beholden to someone's visit to the area. My friend coming in late July is the last agreed upon visit, if all goes well we'll be on our next adventure at that point. We are talking about a bit of travel before we head stateside - Argentina, Chile, Southeast Asia or South Africa (or maybe all) on our list before heading there.

There have been many talks lately about the fear of selling up, leaving himself with nothing in this very expensive city (hmmm... when I have heard this before? oh YES, it's when I did that for him!), just all the stuff that I've already gone through. I discussed with him my own reasoning - it's not a place he wants to live long term, whatever happens it will kick his butt in gear to do something rather than staying in one place and a place he doesn't really like at that. I said it's all about attitude. Opportunities being created and doors opening when another closes. I truly believe that, no matter how scary the jump is. You just have to do it.

The fact that we are now talking about selling the house makes me feel better, I realize. A small part of me wondered if he was willing to give as much as I did (not that it changes my feelings for him, I just wondered) and now I can see that he may well be. I want us to be free of these constraints and throw chance to wind and see where we end up. It's hard to do when one has something keeping you back. He keeps talking about lost money (by waiting another year, he'd surely make more on his house) and I keep saying I could've done the same. Homes in the Bay Area were increasing just as rapidly as here but at some point you just have to cut your losses (not even being losses but not another $10k I guess) and move on with your life. I want us to move on to ours together. Buy something together. You know the story.

It's all good though. I'll keep ya posted. More from my parents visit later. My parents met his, so you know that might have a story in it. LOL

On the down low...

2005-04-28T12:17:00.000+01:00

Eep! (As E would say)

We are looking into the process of the *K1 or '*fiance' visa. Although no official 'engagement' has been set or even asked, we have decided that there is a possibility we will have to do the deed so we can live in the same place. I know, I know.. it doesn't sound very romantic. and that's what HE said. I told him he can surprise me with the 'engagement' in 6 months or whatever but in the meantime, we need to get the paperwork going because it's a lengthy process.

We are not going to tell anyone else (Julie, that includes you, if you are reading this) at this point, for a variety of reasons. But I had to tell SOMEONE and I know y'all won't say anything to anyone I know. ;))

Sigh... In the meantime, we wait to see, if by some twist of fate, we won the green card lottery (i'm sure now that we decided to do this thing, we'll probably get it!). But it never hurts to have a backup plan. I've never won anything in my life. (Oh wait, except for those tickets to see Duran Duran in Mesa Amphitheater in 1991. Only 8 years after I wanted to see them!)

Yippee!

So much to say....

2005-04-27T16:54:00.000+01:00

I'll start with a short post though and there may be a few different topics in a few different posts before I'm through. A lot happening here.

We put my parents on the plane today. I think they had a good time. We worked hard to try and make sure they did! M is great about this, he's always thinking about people and what they'd like - he's a great host.. much better than I. Of course, they are my parents so maybe I don't think about 'hosting' them since they don't really 'host' me when I'm home. I mean, they are family. It's different.

It'll be a little while before I get photos posted. I have to get my laptop up to speed, all the necessary software loaded and all My Favorites switched over. I'm missing a few blogs and some banking links, Photobucket, etc. I've tried to stay offline while my parents were visiting, although my dad took over one computer and M, the other, so I wouldn't have really had a chance anyway!

Last week was Scotland, we started in Edinburgh, which is stunning. I know you'll love it once I get the photos loaded. It's much prettier than Dublin - since it sits on a bay (the Firth of F0rth, that name makes me laugh!) and the hills climb out of the bay much steeper than Dublin climbs out of the bay. If that makes any sense. Anyhow, my dad drove the car for the week and it frightened the heck out of me. There were a few times I was almost in his lap as he drove off the road or moved away from the center line and towards a car in the next lane. On top of that, he couldn't seem to find the gears on the car and we would coast into a roundabout in front of traffic, while he was shifting frantically trying to a find a lower gear with some power to propel us forward. Frightening, I tell you. Fright.en.ing. (Makes me wonder what he's doing to my car back home!)

We ended up spending the week touring Scotland instead of going to Wales. We drove north, the lovely part of Scotland, around Loch Ness and all the hundreds of other lochs and mountains and sheep up there. We saw a million sheep, more than Ireland, honked at the lambs and scared the crap out of them (my dad, sigh...), ate in cute pubs and small villages, drank pints and plenty of wine. It was a good time, regardless of the many times I felt frustrated with my dad (he was driving, I was map reading, you can imagine..). I was constantly torn between thinking what a great experience this was, spending so much quality time with my parents, and being frustrated with my dad. I know, I know... it's because we are so much alike... and i shutter to think so. LOL Well, SOME things I don't mind because he has a lot of great qualities while others.... not so great.

I love seeing M talking to him though - he doesn't have the attachment I have so he is able to dish it out exactly as my dad does. They flip each other shit constantly and it makes me laugh. M is sooo good at it. I really AM too sensitive, it hasn't changed in donkeys years although I AM getting better. I would love to think that some day I will be able to roll with it like M does. (is it possible? LOL)

But I digress... the trip to Scotland was lovely, I have some great B&Bs to suggest if you are ever going there. They aren't cheap but they are lovely. That's all for now. More later...

Just a quick note...

2005-04-15T18:17:00.000+01:00

..whew! what a whirlwind this past week has been!

I got the job of driving while we went sightseeing around the west. My first full time driving on the tiny side roads of Ireland. I'm telling you, there were a number of times I was sucking in my breath as we passed a big truck, hoping somehow it would make our car skinnier and more able to fit in the narrow lane! I just had to look straight ahead and hope the side mirrors were still attached at the end of the day. LOL

We toured the Ring of Kerry (same trip I did with M in February), the Dingle Peninsula (far more amazing, in my opinion) and the Cliffs of Moher in 4 days. The weather somehow managed to stay decent so we were actually able to see the vistas and all. It's been nice. My parent's friends left on Thursday and tomorrow we head out to Scotland. We fly into Edinburgh, tour there, then Glascow and take a train to Cardiff, Wales to fly home to Dublin. That trip is one week.

It's so great having my folks here. Being able to show them around and play host to them.. They are always hosting us so it feels good to reciprocate! They seem to really love M and get along well with him.. He gives it back to my dad as good as he gets it! It's all good.

Just in case I don't get a chance to catch on everyone's blogs, just wanted to say Hi! Anonymous G, I hope things are going well for you, you are always getting positive health vibes from me. That goes for you too, R. cnfg, I hope things are improving in your situation! E, I know you are back with the boy now and therefore, content. :) And I promise all to post photos as soon as I get back in town! Ian, thanks for dropping in! Take care..

My parents HAVE arrived...

2005-04-07T18:07:00.000+01:00

Hi all,

Just wanted to let you know that I will be popping in and out for the next few weeks, probably without any warning. I'll be more likely reading what you all have to say, rather than writing how things are going with me. Hopefully I'll be able to comment but if not, I just want to say that I'll be thinking of you all and hoping that all is well (that includes you Anonymous G, since you don't have a blog).

So far, so good here. Parents think the house looks great. They love M. (how could they not?) And the weather, while not quite being summer, has had it's good moments and ugly ones. The fact that it's had good moments is promising! :)

Take care and I'll write soon. On my new laptop... from my new wireless position on the couch hopefully!!!! Hugs,

Happiness is....

2005-04-04T20:00:00.000+01:00

..planting some seeds and watching them grow. I don't know if you'll be able to see this in the photo, but my little basil seeds are producing little buds! I feel like a proud mama! Here's their first little baby photo, sure to cover most of the screen:

Only two more days til my parents arrive. I have truly decided if you ever are procrastinately about jobs that you don't really want to do, invite someone to visit. Preferably, someone who you want to prove that you've grown up and can take care of yourself. LOL In the past two weeks, we have:
1) painted hall, stairs, landing with 4 coats (2 primer, 2 color)
2) undercoated and glossed all the skirting board, doorframes and doors (about 7 doors, and 4 rooms total)
3) picked and installed carpet for stairs and landing, as well as our bedroom
4) organized and readied spare room for parents, including some painting, bed making, sheet washing, bed frame installing, and today, window washing
5) washed each and every window including an enclosed porch with all windows, front room, 2 bedrooms, kitchen window and sliding doors inside and out.
6) mowed lawn, pulled weeds, trimmed lawn, worked on stump removal of old plant but was unsuccessful
7) purchased new kitchen items - placemats, chair cushions, throw and pillows for futon, clock, silverware
8) stained kitchen chairs and table
9) planted indoor house plant into planters for decoration

gosh, i think that's it.
tomorrow we have to:
1) return two placemats and get smaller ones
2) gas up cars for ride to airport
3) buy food and wine
4) clean hardwood floors and kitchen floor
5) heavy duty bathroom cleaning

And then, we are going to sleep for a week! :)
Did I say I was looking forward to it? Because I am. :)

The P0pe

2005-04-04T17:12:00.000+01:00

So of course this weekend full of many tv reports about the P0pe. Aside from his title, I wouldn't know a darn thing about him, nor would I have really cared. I mean, I'm sad he was sick.. he didn't look good for the past few months.. really didn't seem fair that he was able to continue to be P0pe when he really struggled to hold his head up or even wave to the crowd.

But it seemed to be a really HUGE thing for M. Over the past few days, he's been watching the broadcasts and talking about how sad it is, etc, etc. He was telling me about the time, when he was nine, and the P0pe came to Dublin. There is a huge park called Phoenix Park in town and he said that over one million people went to see him (there's only 4.5 million in the whole country) and he fondly remembers taking the bus into town, then everyone walking with their deck chairs to the park to listen. I can imagine it would be an incredible sight and something that a nine-year-old boy would remember.

Last night we went to dinner up north and along one of the roads, there was a small statue (I guess marking another Pap*l visit) and cars were parked along the road and people were walking to it and leaving flowers and other objects. It was really amazing the outpouring of support for him and I was a little surprised really. I know I shouldn't be... Catholic country and all.. I'm wondering if a similar thing is happening in the States, I'm sure it is somewhere. I just find it difficult because he didn't really have any sort of impact on my life so I can't conceive the idea of people shedding tears for him, etc. Sometimes I just feel like I'm a heartless b&*^& or something.

But I have to say, I've learned alot more about the whole Pap*l thing than I probably ever wanted to know. LOL I'll be interested in the new selection because M's interested in it. To be honest, we couldn't really get away from it if we tried because there must be 4 news channels with the stories and another 2 channels talking about his history and life.. :)

A topic for discussion

2005-03-30T22:12:00.000+01:00

Ha, ha.. Anonymous G, you made me laugh. I put those 2 posts together and didn't even realize it. Yes, I guess I can't say I shouldn't sound like a lush when I obviously am! ;)

RG, the greasy food came after the true queasiness was gone. I don't know why it's greasy food for me, like bacon & eggs or something used to work but it was so far past breakfast, that I went for lunch. It seemed to do the trick although I have to admit a day on, I'm still feeling the effects and it's not pretty. That won't be happening again anytime soon.

Joe (jigga320), if you are okay and lurking out there, let me know. I hope all is okay.

M and I had an interesting talk this weekend. I know I've mentioned that sometimes we get onto the topic of what we are going to do with our future. As you know, he's been married and burned badly by it. In theory, neither of us care if we ever get married. The institution of it won't change how we feel for each other, we know we are committed and we are in for the long haul. But when the subject comes up for our future 'living' situation, therein lies the problem.

The easiest way for us to stay in the same place (he in the States, or me in the EU), would be for us to get married. If he is my spouse, after some paperwork is completed, he can live in America and work. If I am his spouse, I can get the same thing over here. He is adamant about not getting married for the sole reason of 'residency'. We always get to this same point and I understand his feelings.

This time I took it further. I said, is there some reason that you don't want to marry me? Do you feel like I could be a person you would marry? He said, of course. I said, well, it's been almost 3 years, do you feel like you know me well enough and love me enough to marry me? He said, yes. I said, couldn't you change your way of thinking so that instead of telling yourself you were marrying me for a green card, you could tell yourself you were marrying me because you love me? Because, in truth, you do? He said, yeeaaah, I suppose. We bandied it around some more. We were finishing the walk, having discussed what kind of wedding we'd have if we got married, another strange subject because his parents probably wouldn't come (them believing that his divorce really isn't a good thing in the eyes of the Lord) and I wouldn't be inclined to get married in the Catholic church. Besides that, I'm too old for a church wedding and just want to get married on a beach, or in my parents backyard, or on top of Machu Picchu or something like that. But I digress.. So I said, is it just that the truth of it is that you wouldn't get married if you didn't have to? He said, yes, that's probably true. And I realized it's true for me too. I would let our relationship go on forever without that piece of paper. I've never been one to think that I need to be married to have kids. I'd just get on with it whether I was married or not. So the truth is that I don't need to be married either. I'm in for the long haul, he's in for the long haul. The only thing keeping us from being together forever is the right place to live or... we could get married. It truly would be the reason then, that we got married. To be able to live in the same place. And in that case, is it a good enough reason? It's confusing, I know. It confuses us too. Sigh.

I really need to get a job. LOL

I'm wrecked..

2005-03-29T21:30:00.000+01:00

It's been a nice long weekend here. Easter at M's parents was lovely. We got some chocolate eggs - my favorite is Yorkie bars. Here's the container they came in - the ad campaign says they're not for girls!

I always thought this was hilarious so I had to take a photo of the box.

Last night our neighbors had a 25th wedding anniversary party. We went over and met some new people, which was great fun. I kept getting my wine glass filled and I hate to say it but I got drunk. You know how some nights you can drink a few glasses of wine and it's no bother. You don't get drunk or end up hungover in the morning? And then there's those times... those other times.. usually when you are at the house of people you hardly know.... and something you ate reacts badly with the alcohol (that's what I am blaming it on!) and you get drunk too fast. And you go home early and pass out. And you get up in the morning feeling the worse for wear and you actually get sick and throw up. In the shower. Yeah. That was my day. I haven't had one of those in AGES. I know I didn't make a total fool of myself but I'm still a little shy about seeing my neighbors outside their house... as M would say, Jay-sus! I was not a pretty sight today. But I have a good man. He went out to buy my requisite greasy food lunch (hot chips & fried chicken) and he made me a lovely dinner later. 'Comfort food' he called it, to make me feel whole again. It worked. I'm exhausted and heading to bed early.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Not-so-Good Friday

2005-03-26T17:29:00.000Z

Gosh, I just realized I'm going to sound like a lush or something when this story is finished! LOL

Thursday night we hit the store to pick up a few items. I knew we were down to one bottle of wine and no beer so I wanted to pick up some wine for the weekend, knowing it was Easter and things might not be open. Well, I didn't find the wine I wanted (we just tried a great new one that was on sale and I was going back for more!) so Martin suggested I go to the store on Friday. I said fine and we proceeded to drink the last bottle of wine at home on Thursday night. So 'Good' Friday rolls around and it's like an official holiday here. Besides many places being closed, there is absolulely no alcohol served ANYWHERE on Good Friday. Meaning, there is no alcohol sold anywhere either. So, while the grocery was open, they did not allow the sale of wine. Or beer. Harrumph! I couldn't believe it! I had to chastise my Irish boyfriend who has lived here for 35 years now and still doesn't know that the stores don't sell alcohol on Good Friday. Can you believe it? And even though we don't drink every night, it suddenly seemed imperative that we have booze last night! LOL

Anyhow, we survived without and I lived to tell about it. That's the story of 'not-so-Good Friday'.

Oh, BTW, we have almost completed our work, we even bought carpet for the stairs and landing and our bedroom, to be arriving on Wednesday and installed! We also finally found great handles to fit on the new closets that Martin built last month, so now we'll be able to open them without bending down to the floor to stick our fingers under the lip of the closet door! Ah, the little things in life!

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!

LOL

2005-03-23T15:00:00.000Z

I now know that my online life is having as much of an impact these days as my daily life. I had a dream last night with R, her mom and B, even though I've never met any of them! R was having a bad day and I was with her mom, trying to keep things under some control (I don't know exactly what we were trying to keep under control, mind you). Then B arrived on the scene, R introduced us and he gave me a big hug like he knew exactly who I was. While he was hugging me, he asked me to tell him truthfully how R was doing. He was really friendly and seemed quite thrilled to meet me for some reason. LOL This is where I was when I started getting snuggled in the morning hours before we woke up. I'm not sure why I had this dream but R, if you read this, you are in my thoughts!! ;)

I s'pose it could've been all the fumes I've been inhaling from the undercoat and gloss we are using to paint the trim, doors and doorways.

Jigga, thanks for posting yesterday, I'm glad to know you are alive even though you aren't blogging right now. I hope you are doing okay. You have a lot of online readers looking for you! :) But you probably know that.

RG, I'll definitely post some more if you like them enough to print. There might be some others that you'd be interested in.

Last night's Indian meal was gorgeous. I happen to love this place because, besides the food being great, the service is incredible. I suppose I wouldn't notice so much except that normally when we go out, the service isn't great. It downright sucks, the people working are usually so unfriendly. I try to make an effort when we eat out, to look the server in the eye and ask 'how are YOU?' when we sit down and they come by to take our order. I get a grumbling answer at best and it doesn't manage to improve the service. Not that I'm trying to get better service, to be honest, I'm trying to make a connection.. But this Indian place, with native Indian servers (all men), is great. They are friendly, efficient and beside themselves to get you whatever you need and more. It makes me happy to pay for a meal like that. And we just don't get them too often here.

I don't know how well this will turn out. This was a lovely bridge somewhere in Killarney. (Sorry I can't be more descriptive than that.

A photo of the coast and the lighthouse on the ring of Kerry. The scenery was amazing!

I think I've finally got this figured out!!

2005-03-22T17:46:00.000Z

Thanks R, for suggesting Photobucket. I'm getting the hang of it finally, which means I will be able to post some photos of my trip to Killarney from Valentine's Day. (and later, I'll be able to post photos of our 'cappuccino' walls for those interested parties. ;))

I love taking photos of gateways and doors. Here are two.

I love the long days now. Finally, I'm getting some energy back (seems like I get low during the equinox times, I've figured out). We have been getting up early again (this time with no problems) and walking in the mornings. It feels good, even if it's been rainy again. Then the evenings... it's 6pm and still light out. Because Ireland is so far north, as the days wear on, it stays light later and later. Even in summer, there's still some lightness at 11pm! It's great. I DO look forward to summer here. But for now, it's nice to see the sun still shining at 6pm, time to have another walk or something. It definitely keeps the spirits up. Even after spending the whole days painting!

That's all for now. Heading out for a bit of Indian food later. At probably the best Indian place I've eaten at. I'm very excited about it!

p.s. thanks to rg and r for your insights about the miscarriage. i haven't heard anything since then, i hope they are doing okay..

Our work is never done...

2005-03-21T17:27:00.000Z

It was a gorgeous, sunny weekend. Warm, too. A plus. What did we do? Paint the hall, stairs and landing of M's house. It was already a rather mustard-y yellow so we had to paint the whole thing white first (2 coats), then paint the lighter cappuccino color that we used in the kitchen (2 coats). M is finishing up the trim and skirting boards with the first coat, tomorrow we'll use the normal gloss white. It'll look gorgeous when it's finished. And all in the name of impressing my parents.. They will be here in 2 weeks time. M wants the place to look great. (it already did). But he's anal retentive so everything has to be perfect. Hence, the new color and the updated trim. It'll be great when we sell someday, so it's all worthwhile. But it didn't need to be crammed into the two weeks before my parents arrive! LOL He's too good for me. ;)

Back to the weather though. We had this freakish weekend, since St Paddy's Day. Warmish, sunshine, very mild for what we HAD been getting. I even got some garden time in. I mowed and weeded to get a little time outdoors. We added compost to the beds. I love this shit! If I was MY garden, I'd be out there creating little raised beds, I'd make a little vegetable garden out the back. I hate to ask M any more favors, he's already working a million hours. It's funny. If I was home, I'd buy the wood, I'd hammer the thing together myself. I know if I said I was going to do this, I'd get the answer 'oh, I'll do that for you. just let me finish... (fill in the blank). And then I feel bad that I asked him to do more. So, I'll hold off for now. Maybe I'll do it while he's out of town working on the other house! :)

I had some bad news last week. My brother sent an email saying that my sister-in-law had a miscarriage. She was six weeks pregnant. I've never been pregnant so I would say that I think it's better that it was early on, rather than later. I've never miscarried so I don't know if the pain(physical, emotional) is as great as it would be if it were later.. I assume that it is. I never know what to say except I'm sorry.. My brother's email also made some comment about the Italian medical system (for those that don't know, my brother has been living in Milan since December). I tend to get frustrated when people assume that because some other country does things differently to the United States, that they do things the wrong way. He may not have been saying that but it sure sounded like to me. I mean, a lot of doctors abroad go to medical schools in the U.S. so they are going to be just as effective as doctors in the U.S. Even those that don't go to medical school in the U.S. certainly can be as well trained as those in the U.S. I get so frustrated with the ethnocentric (if that's the right word) view of the world. Country centric might be more accurate. Ah well, my rant today. It just rubbed me the wrong way.
I just read what I wrote there and hoped that I didn't sound like what I was just ranting against. What I hoped to convey was that there are alot of doctors out there who have not been trained in the U.S. who are great doctors, just as there are doctors who have been trained and work in the U.S. who can be shitty doctors. It works both ways. We shouldn't assume that we have the ONLY medical staff who can help people effectively. People have been having babies, surgeries, etc, in many countries, around the world, for years! Ok, off my soapbox!

St Patricks Day

2005-03-17T11:57:00.000Z

And we thought it was just an American drunk fest... NO! It's an Irish one too... The Irish actually get the whole day off today to drink... em.. I mean celebrate St Patrick and his ridding of the snakes in Ireland (or something like that).

Last night we went to a play with some friend's of M's. It was called 'The Home Place' and was set in the late 1800's. Here's the story.. It was really good. M hadn't ever been to a play before (heathen!) and he loved it. I think we'll do it again, occasionally. Afterwards we went out for drinks and ended up at The Clarence Hotel which is part-owned by Bono. It was a nice bar and atmosphere where they had froo-froo drinks and good alcohol. Expensive but we were able to sit down... a big bonus from the looks of things last night.

When we left the bar, we walked through Temple Bar, which is a place loaded with pubs, bars, clubs, restaurants etc. There were people all over the streets (it was only 1am after all!) and still a lot of partying happening.. Something I find interesting is how many seriously drunk people you see there all in one place. I mean, they have that cross-eyed, glazed over look that says no one is home.. if you know what I mean. People falling in the streets, staggering along the sidewalks, kids really (the drinking age is about 16 here), it's unlike anything I've seen anywhere else. I mean, people get drunk in the Bay Area too, I just never saw it like I see it here each time we are out on a 'party night'. Kind of scary really. It's no wonder they've recently opened the Women's Crisis Clinic on Sunday mornings early, so all the girls who got too drunk to use a condom the night before can have access to the 'morning after' pill! Pretty sad, but true..

Anyhow, one of the things I *love* about Dublin is the ability to get home from a drunken night without driving. They make it sooo easy. Besides taking a taxi, they have a service called the Nitelink, which is a bus that leaves every 20 minutes from the center of town, for €4 takes us to our front door pretty much. It runs from midnight til 4:30 in the morning and it's fantastic. I guess that's the nice thing about living in a small city..

That's all for now. Off to figure out how to upload more photos for your viewing pleasure... ;)

Help..

2005-03-17T11:40:00.000Z

Sorry, trying to work out the posting of photos.. I just don't get enough computer time to work this all out. I have Hello/Picasa, I want to have more than one photo in a post but I can't figure out how to get the link to other photos, to bring it into here. I just need to some time to figure it out... In the meantime, I will tell you that this is a little stone cottage that we passed on this tiny, one lane (our car was almost too big for the lane) road that drove through the mtns outside Killarney.. our dream home (after cleaned up and remodeled of course!)

Now I'm off to see what else I can do with these photos.. Sorry for the suspense!!! LOL

The posting of a few photos

2005-03-15T14:27:00.000Z

Let me see if I remember how to do this..

These are the few shots that I took in Killarney on our Valentine's Day weekend. This first is the best view of the ring of Kerry that we got. Can you believe that sunshine? We couldn't either.

There must be an easier way! Whew! Let's see what else I can do...

Where did my energy go?

2005-03-14T20:01:00.000Z

Whoa! The last 3 days have been very, very, VERY low energy. I'm dragging. I can't even explain it. I know, I know... I was sick while I was traveling and then I had houseguests, while I still wasn't recovered.. Now I've had 3 days to rest and relax and I feel like crap! I think it's probably from lack of exercise, even though we've been taking walks daily, maybe it's from the chinese herbs my acupuncturist gave me.. who knows? All I DO know is that I haven't felt this way for a long time and I don't like it. I don't have any mo-ti-va-tion. Sigh.

I'm trying to work on eating differently. I'm sure all of this feeling, along with the trouble losing weight is due to the fact my system isn't working efficiently. I've only been to the acupuncturist twice, this last time he did some things to clear my cold and phlegm so it wasn't even to do with my digestion. But I think we need to get started on it and get started on it fast. I don't like the way I am feeling. It's only 8pm and I'm so tired if I went to lay down right now, I'd be asleep immediately. In fact, that sounds like a great idea. I'll write more tomorrow.. Good night!

Finally back and online...

2005-03-13T12:28:00.000Z

I'm sorry I didn't get online sooner after I returned home. I was totally wiped out and on top of that, had guests. It just didn't seem right to get online while they were visiting. ;)

R and anonymous g, I wish we could have met up! I would've loved to have met B too (I admit to being more than curious to meet you and probably should've pushed it more but I know you only get a small amount of time together). I promise next time I'll spend a little longer and make sure I see my online friends! anonymous g, I hope you had your surgery and it was successful.. please let me know how you are doing. i think of you often... RG, your new page is beautiful. i was admiring it the other day. cnfg, you are probably too busy to check this but i hope you made it safely to VA. and E, i'm glad to hear that things are going well with your new living situation. you sound in love. S! Come back! We miss you. jigga, haven't had a chance to drop in yet. thanks for checking on me. i hope you are doing well. jules, congrats on the hardest part, buying the ticket.. you are on your way!

So, I arrived home last Friday at 7:30am and had guests arriving at 2pm the same day. M and I scooted home for a little welcoming snuggle (etc!) and gift opening and we drove back out to the airport to pick up my friends. It was a bit of struggle for me as I was still run down from the cold I had and from the drugs I was taking to keep things dry during the flight.. (if you've ever flown with a sinus infection or head cold, you know what I was dealing with) but we managed to show them a bit of Ireland. They flew out yesterday morning and are home as I write this. My girl friend kept hoping for rain but we had a beautiful week (albeit cold) and I'm just not unhappy that she didn't get her wish! LOL

Aside from the illness, I had a great visit home. I spent time with my friend C who is so busy with work that she doesn't have a life. She won the trip, so without her lack of life I wouldn't have gotten to visit Maui, but I keep crossing my fingers that she will create some balance. I always tell her that no one at their deathbed EVER says 'I wish I spent more time at the office'... it's always about wishing they'd spent more time with their family and friends. I pound perspective into her. At least I try. I think I did a little good though as she's responding to my emails now. I told her even if she writes one line, I'd be happy knowing she's alive. It was THAT bad for a while. That said though, she kicks ASS in her job and I'm sure she's the only woman my age(she's actually only 33) making 6 digits that I know. So, I know she's awesome at what she does. Aside from seeing her and Maui, I met up with my last boss for lunch, my girl friend in Danville for a few days, my dentist, another friend for lunch, and my ex-boss/friend and ex-coworker/good pal for wine drinking and lots of chat. As well as my parents and a great friend for chips and margaritas! And I did my taxes. That was a challenge. Selling a house and exercising 2 types of options, etc, etc... Next year should be alot easier. I can go back to the 1040EZ! :P If I even have any income to report! LOL

So I purchased everything on my list and somehow managed to get it back home. We have been enjoying Peets coffee for a week and even printed out a few lovely color photos on the new printer.. It survived the trek in the suitcase. My dad is bringing over the laptop. I dillydallied (love that word!) and decided at the last minute to purchase it... obviously it didn't arrive in time for me to carry it over, so he is. Can't wait to get started on that. Hopefully setting up the wireless network will be a piece of cake.

Ok ladies and gentleman, that's it for now. You probably stopped looking to see if I had written at this point... sorry about that. I expect to be online from now on! At least until my folks arrive and I'm off on travel again. Oh, and I'll post some photos soon. Cheers!

I'm still alive!

2005-03-01T22:36:00.000Z

Just a quick note. R, thanks for the message yesterday, it was good to hear from you!

I'm winding up my trip now.Staying down in San Diego with my folks. I ended up with a sinus infection in Hawaii. I felt fine except for my throat (ended up with laryngitis). After spending $500 with doctors visits and medication, I was able to fly home. After a week, the cold is finally in my head and I'm ready to go home. Still on antibiotics and nasal spray. What a fun trip! LOL

I'll write more soon. I just wanted you all to know I'm thinking of you and hope you are well.

darn it!

2005-02-18T05:23:00.000Z

The night I arrived my throat was a little scratchy. Yesterday, it was plain sore every time I swallowed. It felt like I was trying to get a cold! I ran to the health food store and bought some echinacea/goldenseal - sometimes if you catch it right away and start boosting your immune system, you can avoid the cold. I felt not 100 percent all day, still scratchy throat, symptoms moving around my head but not getting bad. I woke up early today, a little jetlagged I think, my head feels huge yet my throat doesn't hurt and my nose isn't runny. Apparently, it's all hanging out in my brain! LOL And I get to fly again today! This could get ugly. :)

R, I love hearing the rain outside. It hasn't really rained at home much so I'm not too upset with this quality rainstorm we are getting.. I'm waving back at ya. How far are you from Danville? That's where I am when I get back. Sorry i haven't been commenting - i read your posts of late but i was unable to comment to your blog specifically. Weird.

anonymous G, i hope you get your surgery scheduled.. that's more important than meeting me for wine. maybe the next time i am around. here's hoping and wishing you success in surgery - you already got it in life. ;) So glad you have D.

Ah.......

2005-02-17T08:24:00.000Z

I'm back. I flew in yesterday - 11 hours to LA, change terminals and a little over one hour to get to SFO. I managed to stay awake until 10pm so I think I'll be okay as far as jetlag goes (I think its worse the other direction anyway). My friend C picked me up - she's the one I am going to Maui with - and we went to downtown RWC for....blush... chips and salsa. And a margarita, of course. I actually got out of the car with a thin sweatshirt and was pleasantly comfortable, so now I'm convinced I'm actually getting used to the cold weather in Ireland. It is great to be here.

In response to a couple of my comments, jigga, I found out that you drink Murphy's in Cork only. Not the whole of western Ireland, like I originally thought. I guess you might get thrown out of a pub in Cork if you order Guinness but not anywhere else. LOL The Guinness we had was mighty fine, I might add. (and you're right, you don't really need an excuse.. be careful where you get it in California, it just doesn't travel well!!LOL)

anonymous g, i'll send you an email but if you want to meet up for a glass of wine, i'm all for it! I will be down in O-side with my parents from the 27th-2nd and will have a car if you want to meet in Laguna Beach or San Juan Capistrano or somewhere that is actually half way for you... :)

So anyway, we had a fantastic 4 days in Killarney (I found out I was spelling it wrong as well!). Which means 'the sun shone' or more accurately 'it didn't rain too much'. The hotel he booked wasn't great - too many kids for our taste and it seemed like the parents just let them run wild or something - so we didn't spend much time there. We drove down through the Irish countryside on a day that was alternating rain and sunshine which made from some pretty beautiful colors.. I'll have to post photos when I return as I don't have any software to download from my camera here. We arrived and dumped our stuff in the room and planned to walk into town. The minute we set foot outside, it started raining a bit so we had to take shelter in a nearby pub for a pint until it cleared up (as you do..LOL). Because the weather was sketchy and because Ireland was playing the rugby against Scotland, we found a pub in town and drank pints and watched the match. We met a nice couple there - she is Romanian, he is French. (We liked her better. LOL) It was good because Ireland won. And apparently a good day all around because England lost. (Apparently all Irish are happy when the English lose. full stop. LOL)

So the rest of the weekend involved driving the ring of Kerry, a popular destination spot with the tourists but being February, it wasn't too filled with buses and cars (very few actually). It was a gorgeous drive and you are going to LOVE the photos... (building up the anticipation...) We did a bit of walking as well, as the day was gorgeous and mostly sunny. That evening we went out to see some music and met a nice American couple from the midwest. They had just gotten married (a week before, second marraige for both, my parents age) and were seeing Ireland for the first time. We had a lovely chat with them for over an hour, trying to talk over the sound of the session. One of the things I LOVE about traveling is meeting people. If I'd been in Dublin this weekend when they were meant to be there, I would've offered to show them around or meet up with them. As it was though, we shared a few pints, a few laughs and they gave me their address and phone number if we are ever in Indiana. :)

So, I won't go into all the details of the rest of the weekend, it was mostly walking, talking, holding hands, smooching. You know yourselves what you do when you are with your loved one. We had a terrific time, I guess it helps so much when you enjoy somebody's company. It never ceases to amaze me that I can spend 24 hours a day for days on end with someone and never tire of them. Yes, I want to be alone sometimes, to recharge for myself, to have my own life and interests. But to be so happy to come back together with someone and spend my days with him. Well that's just something I never thought I'd be saying. And I'm happy for that.

I'm leaving on a jetplane..

2005-02-11T10:22:00.000Z

well, i know when i'll be home again, so that song doesn't work, now does it? LOL

It doesn't feel like less than a week before I leave for California. I'm excited but not crazy excited like I am before I see M. I am thrilled to see my friends and catch up. I'm looking forward to warm sunshine (or warm rain, I don't care if it's warm!), maybe for a week or two my tootsies, hands and nose won't be the temperature of an icecube. And this is during the day!

Before I fly away on Wednesday, we are going away for a Valentine's Day weekend in Killarny. It's on the west side of the country, near a national park, very scenic. Lots of hiking, hopefully, if the weather is good. Lots of drinking of Murphy's Stout if it's not! No complaints there. (Murphy's is from the west, Guinness from the east. I guess you have to drink Murphy's when you are on the west coast. Or maybe that's just M's thing.. LOL) Anyhow, we are greatly looking forward to a little time away. Even though we spend so much time in the house together, even in the same space, there's something to be said for going away from home, reconnecting and energizing our relationship. I can't wait!! I will try and take many photos and get them posted before I leave for America but I can't promise anything. You'll see it eventually. :)

As for my trip, I have the long list (it's gotten longer since the weeks have passed) and since I'm missing both M's birthday (the 18th) and our anniversary of sorts (the 26th), I will have some serious a$$ kissing to do with gifts from home. But I already have an idea and am bringing a whole suitcase extra. just for pressies. I haven't purchased the laptop yet, mostly because I can only carry one item and thought I might sacrifice it to bring a flat screen monitor home for M's birthday/anniversary/Cmas 2005/Valentine's day 2006 gift! They are kind of expensive (the bigger ones are)... LOL Seriously though, he spends so much time online, and frankly I couldn't think of anything else! I could be selfish and carry the laptop for myself or I could get the monitor. I seriously couldn't carry both. I have a connection in Chicago and it would be too much to carry. And I've seen enough shows about what baggage handlers do to your luggage. or steal from it. It's not a good move. Anyhow, I'll probably think about it too long and then not buy either!

I guess I better run. Time to do some yoga and finish my book. I'm reading Tom Robbins 'Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates'. He is seriously one of the only authors that makes me laugh out loud. He's an oddball, that's for sure. I think he's one of those guys you either love or hate but after I read 'Skinny Legs and All' back in the day, I've been hooked. (If you read or have seen 'Even Cowgirls Get the Blues', you need to try a different one. That was my least favorite.)

Pleasant side effect of having a successful relationship

2005-02-08T16:23:00.000Z

I mentioned at the end of my last post that I was going to write about my dad. We email almost daily, he currently is sending me notes in spanish (he's Chilean and fluent), maybe because he teaches it at the Senior Center in Oceanside.. I don't know why.

Anyhow, I know I've mentioned a bit about my father. My family was very 'normal' but my dad was (it seemed to me) very critical. I think I am right about that because my brother still doesn't spend too much time alone with my dad to this day and I think it's related to that. So it was all of us. But as I got older, I realized that it was the way he got treated himself, by his mother. It didn't make things any easier, I had still been bruised and battered by the negativity when I was growing up. I can look back and see it for what it was but for the longest time, I could never reconcile myself to being close to my dad. He just never seemed proud of me, never seemed satisfied with how I lived my life and no matter how much I said it didn't matter, somehow, it did.

I always felt closer to my mom, she was easier to talk to and she never let her own opinion get in the way (if that's the right word) of letting me live my life. Every silly thing I did, every relationship I had, quitting my job to travel the world... she really seemed to keep things to herself, give me a bit of advice and let me spread my wings and fly, so to speak. I hope I can be the same kind of mother if I ever have children. I always thought I had a better relationship with my mom. Certainly I can talk to her about most things, still to this day. I know she won't judge me.

I can't put my finger on whether it was my year off to travel or meeting/dating M that changed my relationship with my father. I'd say it was a combination of both probably. I find it so weird now, to even talk about it. M has made me see how much myself and my dad are alike. That could be good at times, sometimes it was painful but it was always true. My dad loves to travel and he loves to do it alone, like I did. We both have a passion for convertible cars, that could only be satiated by owning one. We are both athletic and love nothing more to walk on the beach, hike in the mountains, walk around the neighborhood (M happens to love this too, as well as the travel thing). There are so many other things we share. M made me see that my dad was proud of my decision to take the bull by the horns and change my life with travel. He compliments me in the presence of M much more than I ever remember experiencing in my life. I'm a great driver, I speak good Spanish, I'm a good cook, whatever. It's weird to me. I'm still getting used to it.

I'm getting used to getting a sweet thing in my email (un abrazo fuerte por ti - a strong hug for you) or his asking for my help in putting his trip to Ireland together. I get almost daily emails, always something to make me laugh. We don't talk on the phone much (when I call home, my dad always puts me on to my mom because he knows she'll fill him in on everything later) but when we do, his voice is always a lot nicer than i remember it. Even when he has his critical tone or his aggravated tone, somehow I've learned to separate myself from it and still have a conversation with him. Don't get me wrong, I rise to the occasion plenty. I can't help it, we have that record playing for years... LOL But M has really helped me to see how much he loves me (my dad, that is) and it's one of those things that you can't put back once you see it. It's an amazing feeling. I never thought I'd be saying that I love my dad. As well as my mom, that is. They've given me every opportunity, I have to say. And they are definitely supportive of what I'm doing here (well, I've never felt that they weren't being supportive, I should say). What more can a girl ask for?

Monday, Monday... so good to me...

2005-02-07T17:05:00.000Z

Hi there. Good weekend it was. Very low-key and restful. So much so, I can't remember what we did. LOL

Saturday morning dawned gorgeously sunny. We actually got our rears in gear and walked to the mile or so to Marley Park. They had a farmer's market (tiny one, 6 stalls or so) and wandered around looking at the fancy goat cheeses (yum), the lovely homemade breads, the olives and sun dried tomatoes, the artwork. I looked for a long time at one artists work - I loved the colors and depth. He had some really gorgeous pieces. The cheapest was a small piece - 5x5 inches - €125. No frame. I know there's a theory behind art, that people think they need to spend money on it so they are getting something quality... It was a little above my threshold for quality. I might have splurged if it was €60, at least THAT day, I might've... but that wasn't what he was offering it for! Still.... beautiful work.

We walked the long way around the park, enjoying the sunshine of the day, then back to the house. It was a great time. That night we dolled up and went out for dinner. To a place we'd been before and liked. Unfortunately, it was disappointing this time. The service, the 'spicy' chicken wings weren't really spicy (didn't stop us from eating them), my lamb burger wasn't anything to write home about. The wine was nice though. And of course, the company was stellar.. :)

Yesterday couldn't have been a lazier day. We read the paper and magazines. It rained and was dreary all day, so this was the perfect thing to do. We both felt suitably lazy and fat, because we ate a bit of junk all day, since neither of us were in the mood to cook or prepare anything that required time. It was another lovely day. I feel spoiled with all these great hours we get together.

Today I had my acupuncture appointment. The guy is a friend of M's friend. He is a little odd but only in the way he probably takes awhile to warm up to you. He took my pulse and looked at my tongue, after I told him what I was interested in. He told me that it was no wonder my digestive system is sluggish, he could tell from my tongue (!) that I have some problems with my lower back/kidney function, that I'm very tired and have been for a long time (progressively worsening tiredness), and that I have a little strain/stress in my life. That maybe I haven't been sleeping so well. And definitely not resting well. Allowing my body to recover. (He explained what he saw on my tongue that made him think this.) So.. we are going to work on getting that back into balance a bit. I had a few needles. It was the weirdest sensation. At first, I felt nothing. Then it felt like I'd had too much caffeine on an empty stomach... kind of rushing sensation. Then I felt really relaxed and started to fall asleep! He gave me a few herbs and we are meeting up after I come back from my trip to start a more intensive treatment. (It should be interesting. I'm kind of on the cusp of believing that this works - I'm sure it does as many people swear by it and use it all the time - it's just the whole thing about being different than we were brought up. It's a slow working process, unlike western medicine which seems to solve many of our problems overnight, so it tends to make you think maybe it's not working... but I'm going to stick it out and see what happens.

I've been reading alot online, at bookstores, at the library, as far as eating habits and water drinking habits as well. I've started drinking a couple glasses of water first thing in the morning, stopping drinking anything during eating, and waiting awhile to drink water after some digestion has taken place. I've read that drinking water during a meal, cuts down the digestive enzymes that are produced to digest! So, in order for my body to do the work, I've been cutting back . But still drinking a lot the rest of the time. It's actually made a bit of difference.

So, that was my weekend in a nutshell. I hope you all had great weekends as well!!

(a note to myself, I'm going to write about my dad and our relationship one of these days.)

He's home!

2005-02-03T22:30:00.000Z

...after three days away. I'm always happy to get him back. :) We both commented on the fact that I have now been here for 5 months. Exactly. I love that he remembers. He's good that way!!

I made my first acupuncture appointment. I felt a little weird calling, it's always a little strange telling a stranger what's wrong with your bowels. ;) Anyhow, he's also an herbalist so I feel confident with these two things together, I should get my yin and yang sorted and feel better in no time. I'll keep you posted.

No plans for the weekend really. We talked about date night tomorrow night. It's been a week or two since we've been out. I'd like a nice dinner out and a few pints (or wine) or something like that. It's just fun to get out once in a while! We do spend a lot of time at home, which is fine, I love cooking most nights and I love snuggling on the couch with him. Sometimes you just need to go out though!

That's all for now.. I'll write more this weekend.

A good day..

2005-02-02T22:47:00.000Z

I spent most of the day with M's sister E. I really like her, she's been really welcoming to me since the beginning. She lives about a block away from us, has a 2 1/2 year old son who is charming. She called to see I wanted to go up to the mall for a quick trip - she was looking for a birthday pressie for her hubby, then we'd have coffee. After the mall, we went to M's mother's house and had lunch. It was a full day with people. I enjoyed it but was happy to get home and then have some 'me' time at the gym.

I finally called M's friend Ma. Now, I don't make a habit out of calling M's friends (the girl friends) because, as much as I like them, they are his friends and I'm not completely comfortable calling. I kind of wish they'd call me, same story, it's hard to butt into someone else's life because i'm desperate to make friends. But I guess someone has to reach out. I decided I'd call and see what she was doing (her husband works nights and has an erratic schedule), if she wanted to meet for a glass of wine or something. Her husband was home so I just said hi and asked about her acupuncturist. I'd been meaning to do that anyway. I decided I'll give him a call - the acupuncturist (whose also a herbalist) and see about my digestion issue.
I'm ready to try it. I'll call tomorrow.

M will be home tomorrow. I've been missing him even though I get to do whatever I want and I enjoy that. I miss his presence and how he makes me laugh. He called yesterday a little bummed because he had an estate agent (realtor) come by the 'project' and the guy told him that he probably will not make any money on the house. Now, M probably knew that. We both did. But I guess it kind of socked him in the solar plexus. We talked about it, what we needed to do..

I know I said I'd mention the house here (Sal had asked me about it) and I'd forgotten. M used to work in a bank. Long hard hours and days making lots of money but having no life. When he split up from the wife and went to travel, he didn't know what he wanted to do when he returned. He knew what he DIDN'T want to do. Work in a bank. He'd always dreamt about remodeling a house. There's a thousand shows on tv here about this. He started looking. First he found an old cottage on 2 acres of land. He couldn't get planning permission for a septic tank before he bought it, so he didn't buy it. He next found this little house in a terraced row of houses. He got a good price but he might not have done all his research. The area is run-down and near council housing. Not the best neighborhood. Not *bad* but there are better areas in this town. But it was the right price and the right size to remodel. It needed alot of work. It looks worse now than when he started.. The house was built in the 1880s, has 19 inch thick stone walls and many years of damp. He had to peel all the plaster back and reseal the stones (I forget the proper name for this), he had to fix the guttering and roof outside so the water would stop coming in, he had to fix the drainage so the water would stop collecting near the front walls of the house, etc, etc. It's a work in progress with alot of work left. But I think now we know where it stands. He's probably not going to make any money on it. But he'll learn everything he wanted to learn about remodeling a house - tiling, plumbing, plastering, etc, etc. It's good. And he'll make money in other ways. He has a way with making money, he's good at it. So it won't be the house, but it'll be something else. I have faith in him. And my specialty is giving him faith in himself, when he isn't feeling it.

And I did.

TMI

2005-02-01T10:32:00.000Z

Warning: very boring ramble about a very boring subject

I have digestive problems. Or maybe I should say, I have a problem with things going through me... (see I told you this wasn't going to be pretty). For as long as I can remember, I've had this issue. It comes and goes. I'd call it constipation but honestly, I've read enough to know that it isn't really that. Stuff just doesn't move through my system quickly. It makes me bloated at times, uncomfortable at others. I've read books. I exercise daily (certainly more than my very regular, sometimes twice a day or more, boyfriend), I drink GALLONS of water (already learned that if I don't drink water, it is much worse. again, my bf does not), I eat more fiber than M. I still have a problem with stuff passing through me.

I'm getting to a point where I'm wondering if some sort of homeopath or even acupuncturist would be a good idea. I don't really want to go to a western medicine doctor, as taking medication or even over the counter stuff isn't my thing. I want something to work. I want to eat something natural that makes it easier. I want the exercise to work. I seriously cannot drink more water than I do. I want to know what is going on.

Ok, I do drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning. I know it's a diuretic but it's also supposed to help.. ahem.. stimulate that process. I like coffee. Two cups certainly isn't a lot. I don't drink caffeinated beverages at any other time of day because of this 'issue' - I drink water. I drink hot water with lemon. I drink hot water with honey. I drink water with lemon and without. I carry water with me at all times because it's good for me and because I need it. I am ALWAYS peeing.

I have a feeling that something I'm eating is causing this. I read a book about people with wheat intolerances. Not celiacs (it's not that bad) but I wonder if wheat is a culprit. I don't eat much (I don't think) but I'm going to try and start being more aware of how much i do eat. and how I feel after I eat it. I don't eat dairy products too often, a little milk in my coffee and sometimes yogurt. natural plain organic yogurt. i wouldn't think that would be bad. i'm getting frustrated with this. i want to find out the cause and move on. Maybe a homeopath or someone like that could give me some solutions to this problem. I don't know.

I don't know where to start.... sigh..

Chillin'

2005-01-30T20:27:00.000Z

I want to start this post giving hugs to RG. ((((((((((((((((((RG))))))))))))))))))) I read your alter-ego and thought I could post but it says i'm not a team player... team member.. something like that. I just want you to know that I hope you are doing okay, it sounds like a really hard issue to deal with and you being supportive of your husband is probably the most you can do. I'm sorry it's causing you pain..

That said, we had a really quiet weekend. Uneventful. I went to see 'Closer' on Friday.. interesting movie. Clive Owen is a hottie, if I do say so myself. Anyone else seen this? I left thinking 'did I like that? how did it make me feel?' and, not knowing, I came to the conclusion that it was a great movie because it left me thinking... which is more than I can say for most.

Friday night we had dinner with M's parents. I'd been doing my eating thing, like I mentioned a few posts ago... but at M's parents, I ate a plateful of food and I swear I had the worst stomach cramps that night. So, I realized maybe the last week I was being a little extreme, not eating enough.. I'll eat a bit more but just not go overboard, cut back portions and all. I've noticed it has affected my workouts as well. So I have to rethink my strategy a bit.. shouldn't be a problem. I suppose that's what it's all about..

The rest of the weekend I've been cooking. I know, not the best if you are trying to lose weight... but I made a quiche. It turned out yummy, I'm getting the hang of it anyhow. Then I made some chicken stock and made some chunky chicken soup today, which was lovely. I've finally achieved some level of cooking that I'm proud of... if people came over, I actually have a few dishes that I can make... not too hard, not too time consuming and yummy. So, I guess I can safely say that the best thing to come out of not working these past few months.... my newfound love and need to cook!!! It's really given me the time and incentive to create and I like it... I'm happy about it!! :) (Martin loves it too so that makes me feel even better!)

Last but not least, I decided I'm going to splash out on a laptop. I've been waiting all this time, thinking about applying for jobs, kind of going half hearted about it... Now M's online all day, I can't get on the computer unless he's gone (since he's using it to make money so we can live) so I've decided to take a little of my savings and buy a laptop, then teach myself C++ or whatever programming language is popular now. Just really spend some hours learning something... I'd forgotten I have the ability to teach myself things that may help me in the future... been focusing too much on what I'm not doing. Bleaah! Done with that... Time to move on.

Kalliope??

2005-01-27T21:15:00.000Z

I've seen her commenting but her blog isn't changing? Is she out there? Everything ok? I just thought I would check.. since the end of the month is coming.. anyone know anything?

((((((((((((((kalliope)))))))))))))))

a

A goal, of sorts

2005-01-26T17:06:00.000Z

One of the things I like most about Ireland would be the irish people's ability to be comfortable in their own skin. I'm not sure if that says what I need so I'll explain. When I visited in 2002 for three months, the first thing I did was run out and join a gym. I hadn't worked out for 6 months since I'd been traveling and I needed to. I was the heaviest I'd ever been when I lived here - mostly because I LOVE chips (big fat french fries, only better) and I love beer. I went to the gym day in and day out but didn't make much of a dent, I'm afraid...

At that time, I noticed, there weren't a lot of gyms to choose from in the area near M's house. Gym going didn't seem to an all-consuming passion like it could be in the Bay Area (I thought I'd narrow it down to where I lived, since I couldn't speak for all of America). The pub life prevailed, weekends filled with drinking pints or mixed drinks, pub food consisting of a variety of things usually served with 2 servings of potatoes (chips and boiled, chips and roasted, chips and baked... you get the picture). Even the salad isn't like we think about at home, usually a bit of lettuce with a few different types - potato salad, cole slaw, pasta salad - something with mayo involved usually. I'd say losing weight was an uphill battle.

Fast forward, I'm here now. Gyms are picking up speed. I joined a gorgeous brand new gym, each piece of cardio equipment has a flat screen TV in front of it. You just plug in your earplugs and watch your episode of Oprah or Dr Phil or whatever. It's nice. And it's busy. Not early in the morning like my gym in Mountain View (5am there was a group of us and it picked up steadily before 8am) but during the afternoon and evenings. Gym going has boomed. It's great. Still, the average Irish woman's body isn't a size 2, that's for sure. It's obvious that the chips are still being consumed, the beer or drinks on the weekend. But women here seem a lot more comfortable with their bellies than we would be at home. They actually flaunt 'em here. Even my yoga instructor, who used to be a professional dancer, has a belly. I'm used to my yoga instructors at home being thin. It's actually nice to see someone 'normal' teaching you.

So anyhow, I've been kind of enjoying life, you might say, as far as the eating thing goes. I noticed I was getting a little belly and it's easy to let it go. I'm always bundled in warm clothes and hardly ever see my body. Warm, rich food is what you want when you are cold. A yummy Bailey's coffee is perfect on a chilly night (ouch on the Baileys AND the cream involved there).
Even before I came here, well.. I'm getting on 37 and I weigh 176lb and every year I probably gain a pound.. can you imagine how big I'll be when I'm 47, or when we finally decide to have kids? Still, I have an athletic build so I may or may not carry it off well. I don't know. The problem is I can't tell if I'm getting too big. Friends never tell you you might want to watch your weight. Like I'm not uncomfortable with my body, I'm happy with it, but I just don't want to get out of control.

I've gone back to something I learned last year from a nutritionist I went to. I've started eating only when I'm hungry. I'm sure you're laughing saying, 'well, duh' but the truth is I love food. If I have some food that I love, I want to eat a lot of it. (don't we all?) I grew up finishing everything on my plate, my mom was into that. So, I'm used to eating what I have, instead of what I need. So I'm trying to eat only when I'm hungry but then, I can eat what I want. Just not a ton of it. Just until I'm comfortably full. I'm supposed to be 'more aware' of what I'm eating so I can't eat in front of the TV either. Because I can't eat until I'm hungry, I've found that I try harder to balance things, eat more fruit that sort of thing. Because if a little cookie can fill me, I'm screwed and can't eat again until I'm hungry. ;)

Needless to say, it's going to be a bit of a challenge. I don't want to be obsessive and hopefully I won't be. Obviously, it'll be easier when M is out of town since I won't be eating meals with him. The challenge will be when he's here and I'm cooking for us, when he asks me if i want some ice cream when we are sitting on the couch watching tv, when we want to go out with friends. I'm making it my goal though. Most definitely for this length of time before my trip to Maui (bikini time) but hopefully I will do it long enough that it will become a habit. Because I feel that a change is in the air for me. I have to start now.

I have to laugh...

2005-01-26T16:26:00.000Z

So here I am... I have hours and hours during the day when I can be online, reading blogs, writing my blog, chatting with friends. And my blog buddies have been mostly silent!! Life is so unfair! LOL Anyhow, I hope you are all doing well, feeling better, makin' luv. (((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

I spent last evening reading how to make changes to my blog. You may have noticed a few. I want to add a sidebar similar to R's, so R... would you mind if i stole some of your source code? (I thought I should ask first... ) I downloaded Mozilla. I love the way this looks sooooo much better than IE. I like seeing my Yahoo email in it too. I don't know what it is but it's better. Yep, I keep accidently clicking the IE button before the Mozilla button but that's just a habit that needs to be changed.

Hopefully I'll be able to change things around a bit, keep getting it prettier or funkier or whatever. So I apologize in advance if you see things like this just so I can practice. (I hope that works!) Anyhow, it's nice to have the time to play around.. maybe I'll eventually get around to mostlyrisible (decided not to put the link here since I haven't asked in advance if that's okay) and having my own website that I've created. When I buy the laptop (if I can get logged into Dell's website, darnit!), I'll have the ability to play around all day, if I want. :)

So, that's all for this post. I'll write another one with different stuff.

Ahhhhh...

2005-01-25T12:10:00.000Z

...some time alone. M decided to go to the other house to do some work. He'll be gone until Thursday. I hope it doesn't sound awful, but I'm glad he's getting out for a bit. I get some chill time in the house, on the computer, some much needed time alone. When he's here, he's in the house ALL day. He works in our office most of the day but he's never gone. He's stopped driving the taxi, so he doesn't go out in the evenings. (Ok, that I don't mind so much. I love having him home on Thurs, Fri and Sat nights, I have to say) Unless I suggest a walk or hike, he doesn't go on his own. He rarely leaves on his own, rarely goes out for pints/lunch with friends, although i suggest it.

I go to the gym most days (that's two hours out of the house) and yoga twice a week (that's also about 2 hours away when you include the class and driving out to it). I go to the supermarket, to the library, to the animal shelter. Not every day but I DO get out. That isn't really time alone to me, since I'm with other people. I'm 'doing' not 'being'. There's something about enjoying your place alone. ahh.. I DO like it.

I'm ALWAYS glad when he comes home. I've missed him, his presence, his hugs, his smile. I don't really want him to be gone three days (although he gets more done in the house there when he stays overnight) but since that's the only time he leaves the house, it's a nice respite. I usually think of something fun to make for dinner when he comes home, knowing he's usually chilled to the bone, since the heat is off in that house. I always welcome him home.

But I live for this space... I don't usually call anyone or make plans either. I just enjoy. I chat online with my friends in the evenings, I get my email responded to, I check the other blogs, the LDR site. It's a beautiful thing.

I may even blog each day! Maybe even twice a day!

Something I was thinking about...

2005-01-23T00:31:00.000Z

Seems I'm always thinking about my posts when I try to go to bed at night.. What ends up happening is that it keeps me awake, writing out the post in my head, and I lay there for a long time without falling asleep. Another place I think about what I'm going to blog about is in the car, when I'm driving to the gym, or yoga. I never remember what I was going to say by the time I get home, however. LOL

Tonight I decided to get up and blog. I was thinking of something M said to me, something that he says often and I'm always curious about my response. He said, 'you know you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.' I always say thanks but I always tend to go off and think about it, overanalyze it you might say, the 'old A' I like to call it.

The 'old A' thought too much about everything, how each comment reflected something about her, whatever. I don't do this too often and I certainly didn't do this when he made this comment. I guess I've dated enough guys in my time that have used lines like this. (it may or may not have been a line, i'm sure he probably believes this to be true, i'm not trying to judge him.. :)) My experience tells me that this has never before been an accurate statement, or maybe it is true. AT THAT MOMENT, I was the best thing that ever happened to that person.. I don't know.

What I DO know, is that I probably would never say that to anyone. I don't think a person should be the best thing to ever happen to someone. Sure, the love of your life is a wonderful thing and that person may make us immensely happy.. I'm not going to tell other people what they should think but FOR ME, I just never have felt these words want to pass my lips. (well, maybe they did when I was young, I don't remember that either!)

The best thing that has happened in my life was saying goodbye to the 'old A'. It was more about me than somebody else. I hope that doesn't make me egotistical or selfish or callous. It was learning that A is a person to be reckoned with, that I matter, that people should give a shit about whether they hurt me or treat me poorly. It was realizing that I was smarter than i ever gave myself credit for, that I was more capable than I ever thought, that I was BRAVE even, for traveling the world on my own - wait, not even 'traveling' but just leaving home to travel on my own, full stop. Most people wouldn't do that. It wasn't until after I traveled and came home that I gave myself credit for any of these things.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect. I hope this post didn't sound like I am full of myself but I AM so I guess it's okay. I know you girls will still like me because you are all smart, capable women as well. Who've learned your lessons as well and know who YOU are. So, I know.. it's a weird thing to post about but it was on my mind. I'm not even sure if it made any sense.... LOL

G'night

A night out...

2005-01-22T10:22:00.000Z

Last night we went to the movies. I've only been once since I've been here and I'm usually a regular goer. Usually I go alone so I can see whatever I want. I'm pretty sure I'll start doing that again but for whatever reason, I've stopped. Anyhow.

We got all dolled up for date night. We drove into Dublin to try a new theater. They have about 15 screens. Although it was 5€ to park for 2 hours ($6.50) at least they offered parking... It is impossible to park downtown in Dublin. The theater was on 4 floors, the first had the ticket counters. This floor was packed with people who hadn't bothered to buy their tickets online first... poor sods. We got our tickets out of the machine and bypassed everyone! Upstairs, there was a cafe/bar. so if you got to your movie early, there was actually a lovely comfy place to sit and have something to eat or drink. M and I both thought it was great since you don't really see it too often (except maybe at the Metreon in downtown SF).

We went up a further flight to our movie. The snacks were there. Normally I love movie popcorn at home. I'm sorry, I'm a sucker for 'butter flavored topping' prefering normal butter but whatever. It's the only place I eat popcorn and I love it. I could (and do) eat a big tub. (there. i've told you. i'm not ashamed! i'm not! just call me porky.) Sadly, movie theaters in Dublin (well, the two I've been to so far) don't serve butter flavored topping but they DO LIKE SALT. :( Don't get me wrong, I ate it. But I didn't like it as much. But the setup was a lot easier to get around, and the lines shorter, than in the States. It costs the same astronomical amount as at home too! LOL

Another interesting fact about going to the movies here is that they assign seats. So when you walk into the theater, there is someone to show you to your assigned seats. We had good ones. But it was a bit odd for me. I usually like going in and sitting wherever you want. But if the movie is newer to the theater (this one was - Million Dollar Baby) then you get decent seats without having to wait forever in line. I liked it! The movie was great, unexpected because I knew very little about it (unlike at home where I probably would've seen or heard so much about it that I would've known the twists) and I could see why Clint Eastwood won a Golden Globe. (Not so sure about Hilary Swank.)

Afterwards we left and decided to go for a drink. We went to a pub closer to home that we like. The place was hopping but not packed, we were able to find a seat and ever since they started the smoking ban in places of work, the pub has been a pleasant place for me to be. I love the buzz. We actually talked to a bloke next to us who was drunk but friendly. Once he heard my American accent, he wanted to know what I thought about Dublin. I hate when people ask this question and usually I try to dodge it. I'm not good at lying and I try to say 'lovely' and change the subject. I DO think there are good things but as you all know, I also feel there are not good things. I can't really go around saying, well, i love the reg plates, and the chips are good, and i like a guinness every now and again.. So, I just turned the conversation to him and then he had to go. It made my day that someone talked to us, even if he was drunk. He was a nice drunk. LOL

After the pints, we went home. It was a nice night out with my honey. We don't have them too often, so I really love them. :))

One of those goofy things about Dublin that I like

2005-01-21T15:25:00.000Z

Ok, I know you guys are going to think I'm bonkers after this but here it goes...

When you buy a new car here in Ireland, the 'reg plate' (our license plate) has the numbers in a format that lists the year of your car, the county of purchase and the number of car purchased that year. So if you have a 1995 Subaru Legacy purchased in Kilkenny, your reg plate will look lik 95-KK-45607 (assuming that your car was the 45,607 car purchased that year.) At the beginning of the next year, the numbering starts over at 1 and adds up throughout that year. I have to say that I find this interesting, it keeps me occupied searching (even while I am driving, I'm afraid) for the latest 05 reg plate. I saw 05-D-9150 on my way back from the gym, the highest I've seen this year so far. (I know, I know, you're starting to wonder. LOL)

In the year 2000, the year the "Celtic tiger" was at its highest, there were 107,000 or so cars sold in Dublin. I think it's the best year ever. Last year, the highest we've seen is only about 72,000. When I see a 85 reg Mercedes or something equally posh, I am impressed. That person made their money BEFORE the Celtic tiger and it's impressive. Nowadays, Mercs are a dime a dozen here in Dublin (also 5-series BMWs) so it's not even that interesting anymore. A Jeep Grand Cherokee which I think costs about $45k in the States, costs upwards of €80k or ($104k with todays exchange rate), which makes me want to look in the window of that car to see what celebrity is in there (there never is.. or maybe I just don't know them). A Hyundai Sonata goes for €35000 (you can get them in the States for $16k I think.).

One of M's friends actually bought a used 2002/03? Volvo S40 (i think) from his wife's uncle. The day they brought it home, before they even had a chance to insure it, someone broke into their house, stole the keys that were laying on a sideboard in the hall, and drove off with the car! Why would you keep anything of value? That you park outside? ah well. Different strokes for different folks.

Anyhow, that was just an observation. Something I thought I'd write about. I have others, so you'll be hearing more from me. ;)

Pop music

2005-01-17T16:45:00.000Z

I always thought the American radio stations were bad.. From the 80's, I've always been a fan of 'alternative' bands from England - Duran Duran, Thompson Twins, Madness, Talk Talk, Tears for Fears, Depeche Mode etc, etc. I know more British music than M, he's always surprised when I come up with some obscure band.. surprised that I know them. But it was my life then, music was what kept me from doing destructive things to myself... someone always related to me. I've always been and am still a big fan of meaningful lyrics and songs that speak to me. On my short trips to London when I was younger, I'd always come home with an unreleased Cure album or Spandau Ballet or something that didn't get to America for months later, if ever. Even now, the British bands I like don't get a lot of airplay at home.. I have branched out in my old age though and I like a lot more music than I used to. I like classic and progressive rock, I like punk, I like jazz, I like funky rap like the Black Eyed Peas. At home, if I didn't like a song playing, I could change the station and USUALLY find something I liked. I don't know how many stations there are in the Bay Area (100's I think) but I had about 7 programmed in my car. I only drove 10 minutes each way to work most times and I could push all 7 programmed stations and never find a song I liked.

The other times I've been to Ireland, I always loved the radio stations. I could hear Coldplay or Travis (bands I like now) or Jamiroquai on MTV. I always thought that was cool because you'd almost never get Jamiroquai on the radio at home. Or Style Council. I could go on. But recently I've noticed that the music on the radio here really sucks. There's only about 6 stations total in Ireland (if you go to northern ireland, you pick up BBC stations and those are great, by the way) but recently it seems that pop music reigns surpreme. Boy bands and girl bands are rampant (and suck, in my opinion) and remakes are becoming the bane of my existance (don't any of these bands write their own songs?). There is a remake of a Pretenders song on the radio. I'll Stand By You, a nice ballad that Chrissie Hynde nails perfectly. Why, oh why did Girls Aloud have to do a remake? It tortures me daily. (because it's played all the time right now) There's more, believe me, I just can't remember them at the moment....

I could go on forever but this is already too long.. LOL. There are a few artists here that I really like and I know they don't really make it stateside. Robbie Williams (I always thought he was all attitude but recently have started to like him) used to be a boy band, left the band and went out on his own. He's tattooed and has had a lot of interesting press in the States, but he sings kind of pop music that somehow manages to be okay (he sang 'Misunderstood' in the recent Bridget Jones movie). There's a song by a guy called Lemar ('If There's Any Justice'), kind of soul music, nice voice. I even like Kylie Minogue (but I think that's just because the rest of the music is so crappy that even her songs sound good).

And if you've heard the new version of 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' you'll know what I mean. The first one 20 years ago had voices I recognized, bands that I loved. This one, while still having some singers I like (Chris Martin, Dido, the guy from Keane) has mostly people I've never heard of and with good reason. They are so plain and uninteresting, I'm still wondering how they made radio play here. If you haven't heard it, just donate the money and leave the CD. It'll just create more waste in the landfills in the future.

Fun times had by all

2005-01-16T19:20:00.000Z

Last night was a hit. Last month we had met with a friend of M's and his girlfriend. We agreed, that night, that we would start a sort of dinner club. We would pick a country and make foods from that country, the other couple would bring wine or dessert from that country. We had a lot to drink that night and somehow Germany became the choice of the month. I don't know about you, but I don't know too many German delicacies and after living in Ireland for 4 months now, I was pretty sure that anything I wanted, I probably wouldn't be able to find anyway.

After putting things off til the last minute, I got online and looked for some German recipes. Sure enough, I noted things like bratwurst and sauerkraut (which I love but knew I'd never find bratwurst here... too spicy) or spatzel or other strange culinary delights. I asked M to call his friend, tell him we'd do mexican and hope that was ok. It was. Thank God!

So our guests arrived with a bottle of tequila and cointreau and I knew it was going to be a good night!! LOL G made margaritas and I was in heaven. I wasn't thrilled with how my salsa turned out (really should've worked harder to find the fresh serrano chiles instead of using jalapenos) - not spicy enough. I heated up some refried beans, topped with cheese, to dip the chips in. M made quesadillas, which went off a hit, and we still had the enchiladas in the oven! It was a decadent night of food, that's for sure. It was wonderful and M woke up hung over, I felt a little worse for wear but not as bad as he. I still managed to drag him out in the sunshine and cold, crisp air for a nice walk in the hills. Boy was that a much needed breath of fresh air. Sure helped clear off the cobwebs.

So, all is well and I'm off to eat some more salsa, I think. Maybe overnight it's managed to get a little spicier (that's how it used to work anyhow). I'll keep you posted!

Mexican fiesta

2005-01-15T18:29:00.000Z

A small miracle has occurred. I found tortilla chips! Ones without flavoring, which seemed to be difficult to find here. All the 'crisps' as they are called here ('chips' are the awesome french fry that actually contain some potato) have some odd flavors. While I DO like the salt and vinegar flavor (not too popular in the States but crazy over here) and the thai chili flavor, I'm not a fan of cheese and onion or bacon flavored or black pepper and smoked ham... Whereas in America, we'd have a huge row of 'chips' in large size bags, here the row is about 1/3 the size and the bags are too. (Obesity is still a problem though. I think it's the drink!LOL) But I digress...

So, we are having a couple over tonight and I'm making my attempt at mexican food. Chicken enchiladas, a little refried beans w/cheese on the side, some sauteed peppers in a bit of enchilada sauce. We made a mean (re: with a kick) salsa which is currently steeping in the refridgerator. It gets more kick as the hours pass... Now if only we could have found some Corona, Tecate, Pacifico or Simpatico. My day would've been complete. :) But it's not half bad, I must say. Not half bad.

My week in review

2005-01-14T23:20:00.000Z

I had a good week and I get a little alone time this evening, as M is off driving the taxi for a few hours. Most of the week was spent finishing the painting of the kitchen and doing odds and ends. We got a lot accomplished and it feels good. I've kind of put my foot down and said that we must finish the one room, before we start on another, and it's going pretty well. I still need to paint the trim (they call it skirting board), M needs to finish the tile backsplash and filling in odd pieces of wood missing from when he installed the kitchen cabinets. I also need to clean and sand the wooden curtain rod and paint it. We decided against new curtain rods since they will stay with the house when we sell but splashed out on expensive curtains which will come with us. I know, VERY exciting. :)

Tuesday night I met an American woman for dinner. She was introduced to me from the ex-IRA guy that we had dinner with back in December. We had dinner downtown and she was nice enough. Asked that I send her my resume and she'd try and get me hooked up, either with Trinity College (where she works) or doing work for a Well Woman's Center (computer work) or the Rape Crisis Clinic (also computer work). She also mentioned introducing me to another friend of hers, more my age, just so I might have a chance to make friends. I think I must have come off as desperate and I suppose I am. I loved having a bit of ME time - out with a friend that wasn't M's friends, doing my own thing. He told me to call him when I was finished, he would pick me up (about 30 minutes into downtown) but I took the street car to a place closer to the house and called him from there to pick me up. It's amazing how something so little just gives me back a little feeling of independence.

I started up at the gym again this week, after a bit of a break. Again, it feels good. I swear I am the only person who smiles when i am listening to music and running on the treadmill. Gosh it makes me happy. (Which reminds me that the American woman - she's lived here for 30 years - thought it was a little odd that I smile at everyone. She thinks it's unusual and isn't surprised that people didn't respond to me! Huh.) I also was meant to start my new yoga class. It's in a different place than the last class so I mapped out the directions to the place with M, then drove down a few days before to find it, which I did. When I went down on Thursday for the class however, it had been changed to an earlier time and I didn't know, so I missed the class anyway. M asked me later if I was mad that I missed the class and I laughed and said that that kind of defeats the purpose if I was! LOL

This morning I got a message from our European IT manager, from my old company. He told me he gave my name to the new European IT manager for Applied Materials (who bought out my old company) as this guy is looking for a full time IT person in their DUBLIN office!!! So, there is a very good chance I am meeting this guy on Monday, as he is in town for meetings. We talked briefly this morning and I will know more on Monday! YAHOO!

And all this right after I rescheduled my trip home. I decided to extend my trip. I'm leaving here on the 16th of Feb, returning on the 3rd of March. I will visit my friends, go to Maui AND visit my parents. Hopefully none of my flights will be delayed else it will all fall apart! :)

Making a list, checking it twice

2005-01-10T19:05:00.000Z

Let me start out by saying this - our little fostered doggie got a home!! When I went into the animal shelter today, they told me she was adopted the day we brought her back (M said it should make us feel better that we brought her back that day!) by a woman in her 50's. That made me ever so happy!!!

List of things to bring back from the States:

* color photo printer (twice the price in Ireland than in the US)
* laptop? possibility (ditto)
* tortilla chips (2 bags of Mission or Santitas, carry on)
* at least 5 pounds coffee (Starbucks, Peets, Torrafazione, Seattle's best, you get the picture)
* Reese's peanut butter cups (I never ate these at home but have been craving them)
* Pureology (my shampoo and conditioner, the huge bottles)
* M's shampoo and conditioner (dandruff formula that he can't find here)
* Clinique moisturizer and eye liner pencil (again, twice as expensive here)

Other things to do:
* make appointment with my dentist for cleaning

Ok, I know you probably didn't need to know all this but it helps me keep track. LOL

A moment on my own

2005-01-09T18:49:00.000Z

Ok. as far as the hair goes... here's the before and after photos. I will leave it public about a week or so, for lack of a better way to do it. :)

..gone now..

Sunday night.. it's getting harder and harder to get online. Seems most days now, M is on most of the day with the online trading. At least I try to leave it to him and not get into reading everyone's blogs and responding during daytime hours so he can work on it. In the evenings then, I again feel 'guilty' for spending my time locked up in the boxroom instead of spending time with him. Sure, he's watching tv and I don't really like tv. Given my choice, I'd read a book or chat online with friends. But I feel like I at least need to be in the room with him, otherwise we end up like two ships passing in the night, when we are actually in the same house all day.

I know all that stuff about how the guilt is my issue, I need to have my time with my friends (whether online or in person) and I haven't been. I struggle with balancing the two things. If I was home, I'd want to go out with my girlfriends once in a while. I'd probably talk to them on the phone more often and it would be fine. I know rationally there shouldn't be any reason I don't spend my evenings online (at least a few). M hasnt been driving the taxi lately, even though I've actually been hoping he'd go out so I could get online and have a good chat with the girls, write a post or two and respond to my friends' blogs. Then I feel a little guilty about wishing he'd drive the taxi and give me some space! LOL I really need to get a bit of a life! :)

To be fair, he's really good at being aware of my needs. He knows I am more social and like to be doing things. He just asked me what I'd like to be doing in the evenings and he's been making an effort. I guess it's just because I am home all the time, that it seems more necessary than ever that I get out of the house on occasion. He's trying to make that happen for me and I love him for that.

He just came in here and we were discussing our plans for this year. We always get stuck here as we don't know what we are going to do. I am here and can't work. If he comes to the States, he can't work (basically because he doesn't have a definite career at this point) so then what? He's the same as me, only there. Sure, the weather is nicer but do I want to subject him to this? Not really. It isn't the answer. I don't know what it is right now. I guess I need to do some more thinking...

Short little post

2005-01-06T21:14:00.000Z

This week has been rather productive. That makes me happy. I ran a ton of errands on Tuesday, got my haircut on Wednesday and helped M paint the dining area today.

Because the wind has been blowing like a banshee the last few days, I decided something needed to be done with my hair. So, I... ahem... got it all cut off. It's quite short now and I'm relieved. I'd worn it short for years, then when I decided to travel I grew it out (tying it back seemed easier than anything else). As the last couple years have gone by, it's progressively gotten shorter. Now, it's about as short as it can go without being a buzzcut. Even better, M loves it. (I've never had a boyfriend love my hair short.) An added bonus! We had a night out last night, to celebrate my new 'do - headed into Dublin for dinner. It's changed so much since his single days, I think, there is a lot of money floating around and good restaurants and funky bars are everywhere you turn. It's not much different than San Francisco, to be honest. I love the buzz. We had a lovely night.

Today we accomplished a bit more. We painted the dining area together. A nice cappuccino color. Yes, that was me painting and receiving instruction from him on the finer points of painting. We actually did okay. I didn't get too defensive and I tried to ask questions to make it seem like I didn't know everything (hmm. sometimes I struggle with admitting that! LOL). It was good and the color is gorgeous. We will do one wall tomorrow a mocha color to add a little something different. I am impressed that we managed to agree on colors that we are happy with. It's all good.

That's all from me today. Spent more time catching up with the girls... Talk more soon....

A new day, a fresh outlook

2005-01-04T16:26:00.000Z

I had to giggle after reading R's post. Of course what she says is accurate - there isn't much interrelation between having dogs and having kids and a few days after the feeling was written here, I've already forgotten about it all. Yes, I'm hard on myself. It's not new and I'm sure that theme will come up again in all future bloggings! LOL Thanks to you all for your wise words and hugs.

Today feels good. I got a lot accomplished, including applying for a job with the U.S. Embassy. I received an email back asking if I had a work permit. Funny, I thought that I couldn't get a work permit until I got the job offer.... so that job has gone by the wayside. What I DID find out is that my field is highly needed here and I could get a work permit in the States to make it easier to find work here. I didn't know this. Apparently I was looking at the wrong websites. Doh! Anyhow, the problem is that I have to be IN the U.S. to apply for this permit. Hm. I sent a few emails to the Irish embassy in SF and Chicago, asking for clarification. I'll keep you posted. If I do things right, I could fix it up when I go home in February and come back here to work. If it doesn't work, I may be stuck entertaining myself in other ways for the next six months- volunteering, gymrat, etc.

So, I spent today making a grocery run, cleaning the house (the floors needed a serious mopping), putting away Cmas decorations, buying some vitamins. I went for a walk at the park nearby - it started raining while I was walking (but I was prepared) and the rain blew over shortly and there was the best sunset!! It was gorgeous and I couldn't help but smiling. Of course, I was smiling the whole time anyway, I usually do when I'm out walking. I love being outside and I love the fact that the sun was shining.

Today I decided to take a 'survey'. I smiled at EVERY single person who passed me. (I didn't say hi today, I thought I'd see what came up). Out of 100 people I passed, I received one genuine freaking happy smile, 3 moderately happy-do-i-know-this-girl-or-something smiles, and 96 grimaces or face-down-i-must-not-look-at-this-person. Not one said hi. I'm not surprised. People here don't seem happy to me. I always thought Silicon Valley's were unfriendly but these people rank above that in the sourpuss category. Now, granted, I don't know what's going on in their lives. Maybe all 96 people had a bad day and didn't want to smile. Maybe ALL 96 were still hungover from last weekend. It's just an observation from this girl. If you were anything like me, you'd have this idea that the irish are the friendliest people in the world. But I'm challenging that notion. And they'd come up a bit short. And don't tell me it's SAD, the weather has been pretty darn nice, considering.

Okay, that's my gripe for the day! LOL I promise sunshine and light tomorrow. LOL

It's time to move on

2005-01-02T20:36:00.000Z

I'm not really a fan of the holidays, at the best of times. I like to do things and see people and sitting home because most places are closed.... well, it starts to get to me. They get a lot more days off for the holidays than we would in the States. I suppose if I was working, I'd love the break. Right now, it just seems a bit to be dragging on.

(I hate the fact that that whole paragraph sounded whiney. I mean, i didn't lose everything I owned or everyone I loved in a tsunami. i have no right to whine.)

I haven't been doing much. That's for sure. Haven't been writing in my blog even though I had plenty of time. I don't know why. I guess being frustrated with myself and my lack of accomplishing has come up again. I wanted the new year to start and my mood to improve before I came on and wrote! Ah well.

So, we had the little houseguest. Here she is:

I hope that worked. She was a lovely little thing. We had her for 6 days... She was pretty quiet at first but slowly started to feel more and more comfortable. (meaning: she got up and down off the couch whether we wanted her to or not!). The second day, M went out and bought her a bone. It was good, kept her occupied, especially when we needed to keep her out of the room (she wanted to eat our food, drink our wine, our beer, etc). The third day I started noticing holes dug up all over the back garden. Then I started to notice myself being annoyed for the holes in the garden. The days passed. Sometimes she was cute and loveable, sometimes she drove me nuts. By the last day, everytime she sat with me, she would be biting (puppy bites) my arm, my shoe, anything that wasn't nailed down in the house, the leg on the kitchen table. I knew I couldn't deal with much more. I liked her but she drove me bonkers. She disrupted my order in the house - the garden and the house are the only thing I have control over and she was messing it up. And I realized then, painfully, that it's possible I was not cut out to have a dog. It crushed me. I cried more over that than actually bringing her back, although that made us both very sad. I felt very cruel leaving her in. Like what kind of people were we that we didn't adopt her.

Even now, I find myself saying 'well, if she was going to stay, things would be different. we'd have a dog run. we'd train her. we'd figure out someway she could be outside while we were away from the house.' I do believe that. I don't want to believe that I'm not cut-out to be a pet owner. Frankly, after this whole experience, I was starting to wonder if I was cut-out to be a parent. That feeling has started to subside a bit but it's there in the back of my mind.

So, besides having the dog over, we didn't do too much. We had a lovely Cmas and New Years, nothing to write about though. We didn't do anything spectacular. Just your normal run of the mill, family event. Quiet. Relaxing. It was great.

Last but not least. I booked my flight home for February. I'm taking that time off with my friend in Maui. I may extend it and see my parents, as I haven't heard anything on the job front. But I'm definitely going to Maui. I need it. I'll write more later..

Goodnight.

It's snowing, it's snowing....

2004-12-25T07:22:00.000Z

Christmas morning and it's lightly snowing. M says they haven't had snow at Christmas for years... I think it's a good omen. LOL

I love the sight of fresh snow and snow falling. Probably won't like it so much a little later today when all the nutso's start driving in it but for now, it's peaceful and serene and well, white...

Happy day to you all.

We have a little houseguest

2004-12-24T14:38:00.000Z

M always asks when I am bringing a puppy home for a few days. I told him I probably couldn't do it, as they probably want the dogs to be available for adoption. But I was talking to one of the girls at the DSPCA and she told me about a little one who might need a little foster care over the holidays.

Lucy (we've named her, since she does not have a name) is a young springer spaniel (I'll take her photo and post it later) with a little metal rod in her backleg. I guess they picked her up after being hit by a car and shattering her leg. She'd been mostly in isolation but had just moved into the kennels last week or so. Since the DSPCA is closed over Christmas, we brought her home yesterday. She's lovely and is settling in nicely.

It's been fun to see her getting progressively more comfortable here, moving from room to room now, hopping up on the couch to watch tv with me. M's had dogs more recently than I and he's a big softie. He already doesn't want to let her go back.

I was joking this morning because he heard her in the middle of the night whimpering and went downstairs to let her out (I didn't even know but he got up, which woke me up), about us having kids and him being the one to get up in the middle of the night because I'll be fast asleep. I'm sure my ability to sleep soundly will disappear if we ever have children, won't it?

Anyhow, I'll keep you all posted on what happens. We are heading over to M's parents house tomorrow for Cmas dinner and gifts. Pretty mellow, really. Just the way I like things.

Happy holidays to you all. Be safe and happy this day - you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Public service announcements in Ireland

2004-12-20T15:50:00.000Z

Another thing that I've found interesting is their graphic advertisements for drink driving or smoking. Or even texting. The texting one is great. Well, not great but just the fact that there's an advertisement about texting is great.

There's a young girl and boy. Each are walking separately with their friends, texting each other about where they are going to meet after school. In the background, this sappy song 'I'm gonna walk you home' or something like that is playing. There's lots of laughter, each group of friends is laughing, you see the boy see the girl across the street, as he's texting her, he steps off the curb, he looks up and smiles and a truck plows into him, right in front of his girlfriend. It's an advert for...hmm.. i couldn't tell you. Maybe it's paying attention while you text? To be honest, I can't remember.

Another one, shows a small boy playing soccer in his front yard. He's kicking a ball into the net. Switches over to an older boy - 19 or so - playing soccer with his friends, then going out for a pint or two and having a laugh. He seems like a good guy, nice looking, having a bit of craic (as they say, aka fun). Back to the kid playing soccer in his front yard. same cheery, innocuous music in the background. You see the teenager get in his car, he's driving along a country road, singing to the song, he hits the curb and then another car and his car turns over into the little boys yard. You don't actually see the little boy get hit but you see a flower on the screen get it's flower cut off abruptly, as if referring to the little boy being 'cut down'. Then the dad runs out to the little boy, lying dead in the yard and the teenager gets out of the car. It has something to do with the shame of drink driving. It's so in-your-face. I don't know if they work but I know I'm always taken aback by them.

I'll leave it at that. Two is enough for one day, isn't it?

Some interesting facts about Dublin

2004-12-20T15:32:00.000Z

I have to giggle about this first one, everytime I think of it.

You don't get a 'ride' someplace here, you get a 'lift'. If you ask a man if you can get a ride, they might scream 'yes!' and jump up and down for joy. This means sex to the Irish male. Now if you really do want a 'ride', well it's as easy as saying so. LOL

The mailman walks here, delivering his mail. I love that. I love seeing him with his bag slung over his shoulder, walking from house to house and putting the mail in the slot in the door. Maybe it's just because I'm home. I get to see him.
Maybe he does this somewhere in the States but not where I lived in California - he was always in a truck.

As you know, I've been working at the animal shelter. Doing data entry but it's fun. There are about 10 dogs that wander about the office, sweet guys that come up to me as I'm sitting at the desk and put their heads on my thighs for a scratch. Sometimes I can't do any work as I've two heads on my two thighs, getting a scratch with both hands. Kind of hard to use the computer with no hands. LOL Recently, we've gotten a little orange and white kitty who has lost an eye. I havent heard the story but his left eye is gone. He still tears around the office like a bat outta hell, usually at an angle but not the angle you'd expect if he wanted to see out of his good eye better. He's pretty entertaining and they call him Spinach. Cute.

Besides that, in the time I've been there, they told me they don't home puppies or kitties during the month of December. Apparently, people come in to get the animals as gifts and then they are usually returned after Christmas. I couldn't believe that.. I have to wonder if the States are the same, I'm sure they must be but never noticed because I haven't worked for this organization there.

After looking at R's post about Christmas in SF, I wanted to post some photos of Dublin. New photos. The sun was shining and the sky was a beautiful blue but by the time I went out for photos, the clouds were rolling in gray. Ah well, another time. There will plenty of time for that, I'm sure.

Oh, another oddity of this country, I was telling my mom the other day. As many of you know it's a Catholic country, you don't see much notice about condoms on TV or anything for protection against STDs or pregnancy but there is a 'morning after' clinic open on Sundays (earlier hours these days) for those girls who had a bit too much to drink and had unprotected sex on Saturday night. Seems a bit odd to treat these girls after the fact but oh well. It's good to keep your head buried in the sand I guess.

Hmm. That's all for now. I was going to start on the graphic advertisements on TV but I decided I'll put that in a different blog. Stay tuned.

There's something in the air

2004-12-18T02:03:00.000Z

As far as my last post is concerned, I actually have spoken to M about the issues. He knows and he still gets frustrated with me. I like R's suggestion and maybe it's something I can try.. it hasn't popped up again.. yet!

So, I've had a wild week. Ok, not wild but there's some unusual things brewing. One of my girl friends in SF (who hasn't talked to me in weeks, online or otherwise) sent me an email inviting me to go to Maui on an all-expense paid, 6 days at the Ritz Carlton with her. All I have to do is get to SF (I found out I can use airline miles) and unfortunately I'd miss M's birthday. But he said I need this, he wants me to go and he is really excited for me. It's some honor that she received for work - there's massages and pampering galore involved and I already had started planning for my holiday (stop in SF, visit friends for a few days, fly to Maui, back to SF, down to see my parents in Oceanside and get a few more rays, then home).

Then I got onto IM.

Two guys that I used to work with started chatting with me immediately. One was my old boss and the other, his European counterpart, whom I've met. Anyhow, they both started asking me if I was still looking for work, that they may need me to work in Scotland! We have an office there and apparently the IT guy started diverting copies of the HR managers email to his own (amongst other key people in the European offices) - actually starting is the wrong word, they've been doing it for a couple years but they just recently included some others. He was found out because an employee sent an email to one of these key people asking for an acknowledgement that it was read or received. Its an automatic thing so once you open the email, the reply is sent to the sender. So the sender received 2 acknowledgements and there was some investigation. And now there is a vacancy in our Edinburgh office. And an unemployed IT administrator (I did the same job as this guy, only in CA) looking for a job. It would be temporary (3 months maybe?) if it works out. I could work 3 days there and 2 days from home here in Dublin! I'm veeeerrrrry excited about this.

Now I just have to include the fact that I have a trip planned (that cannot be cancelled!) and I'll get the best of both worlds hopefully. Any ideas how I might make this work out? I mean telling my boss, if they offer me the job. I don't want it to be something I can get out of, so I need a good reason. ;) Unfortunately, the Maui and Scotland are quite a few times zones apart so I can't imagine working remotely from Maui. :)

The elephant in the room

2004-12-15T21:07:00.000Z

I guess it's not really any an elephant. I mean, it's a problem and we've noticed it. We aren't ignoring it or anything, but I am definitely at a loss of how to proceed. Normally, therapy or something I've learned from therapy would help at this point but I'm not going and I can't find my own solution at this point.

I guess before I get started, I should give a little background. All of you have mentioned alot about yourselves, your past, on these blogs and I've kind of hidden here behind the monitor. I don't talk about my past much. Mostly because I've found, for me, that if I don't write or talk about it, I make it through the day a lot happier person. I used to journal incessantly. I journalled (sp?) since I was 15 years old. And I was very unhappy most of that time. I don't know if there's a correlation but I'm not so unhappy now. I don't get so depressed and my outlook is pretty good.

Now, don't get me wrong. I grew up in a very safe environment, completely different than what I've read of you. I almost cringe in personal shame when I read your pain.. In shame of myself and my years of sadness, when it seems I really had it good. The things you have had to go through! Wow, what strong women you are. I'm honored to know you. And blessed.

My sadness/depression came from years of just wanting to be good enough for my dad. Nothing I did seemed good enough, I didn't look good enough (in fact, was 'fat and ugly' on one occasion), not smart enough and because I dressed in black and dyed my hair, I 'must be on drugs'. Funny how a 3.98 GPA in high school and the youngest varsity softball player at my school managed to skip his view. I don't know. I never understood, although I do understand more now.

My dad is from Chile, he grew up there until he was 17. My grandmother was kind of domineering and if i'd been watching closely, I would've realized that he learned how to talk to me from her. She wasn't the most positive of women, probably a result of her dear husband dying in a car accident when they were hit by a drunk driver when he was 46. I never met my grandfather (and frankly, never heard that much about him either) but I can understand how that might make her bitter. She was bounced around between the three sons for a number of years until they couldn't deal with it anymore (my feeling) and they bought her an apartment in Florida where she lived the rest of her unhappy days. Don't get me wrong, I liked her a lot. She was just very bitter.

Back to my dad. So anyhow, he always has this tone (notice I say HAS, it's still there, I'm just dealing with it better) that is always questioning, always accusing. He is VERY opinionated and it would seem his is the only opinion. It's frustrating at the best of times but as with everything else, I've started to deal with it better.

Anyhow, I grew up with this 'tone', this feeling that I didn't really know what I was doing and it's permeated my life. It's actually causing a bit of a problem with M and I because I react to him when he gives me that 'tone'. He doesn't know what he's doing and I can't explain it, I just get defensive and angry, then he does, then we argue about it and it's still there.

Example: I am in the process of planning to paint the dining room. I am going to mix a mocha color and a creamy color to make a lighter brown/coffee shade. All he did was ask me how I was going to mix it but it sounded like 'there is no way you are going to be able to mix that, what are you thinking?'. I get defensive rather than answer him. I can't seem to answer him calmly. I automatically think that he's challenging my ability and it irks me. I'm 36 years old, I know I can do these things, yet I feel like a kid again.

The thing is, my dad never once said I did anything right. Not that I can remember. He never said, 'oh yeah, that's a good idea', when he asked me something. Of course, maybe I didn't give him time. I was too busy getting defensive!! LOL It hasn't been until recently that my dad has said anything complimentary about me. Usually he says it to M (but I'm there so I hear it too). I'm a great driver. I'm a good athlete - it's great that I like to hike and walk. It's great that I love to travel. Okay, so not too many things but I realize
he just doesn't know how to say the good things. He's just never had them said to him.

So where does that leave me? I need some answers for myself before I do something to screw this up. M is afraid to point out anything to me, to suggest anything to me to try (whether cooking or painting or tree decorating or light hanging!) because he's afraid of me taking his head off. I can understand that. I don't know what to do. I know I react although this last time, I tried to take a deep breath first. It didn't work but I'm more aware. I guess it's just something I have to work on. But if anyone has any suggestions, I'm open!

I have to say too, as a last comment, that I wonder if it's all related to my feelings last week about feeling worthless right now because I'm not accomplishing anything. If I was working or creating something, if I feel worthy, maybe I wouldn't react so much to M's suggestions. Like I need to believe that I CAN do something on my own, without anyone's help, like I used to. I don't know. Just a thought.

Anybody want to talk?

2004-12-14T23:51:00.000Z

A lot of you talk about chatting together and I have no one's IM accounts (maybe there's a reason for that! LOL) . I'm wondering if anyone would like to chat occasionally and if so, maybe you could email me your chat information? There may be a small chance that I'd be online the same time as anyone else but it would be fun to 'talk' and find out a little more about you ladies. You've become my surrogate family and I appreciate you all. That's all for today.

Interesting lunch guest

2004-12-13T20:17:00.000Z

Yesterday M & I went to lunch at his friends house. M used to work with Mo'C years ago - they first met about 15 years ago, I believe. So she's a really good friend to him and I like her alot. She was having a mutual friend of theirs for lunch and asked us to come along.

M had told me a bit about So'D before. He used to be a letter bomber in London for the IRA and went to prison for 15 years because of it. When M and Mo'C met S, he had just started at Trinity College to study english after his time in prison. Mo'C told me that she didn't know who he was as she opened his account that day but the next day in the paper there was a huge headline about 'Convicted IRA bomber starts Trinity College' and she saw a photo of him. She said she nearly died! She said it was a little strange getting to know him but they were, at this point, good friends. She and her husband knew he and his ex-wife fairly well.

Anyhow, this guy was really interesting. One of those people that you get to talk to that you just know is brillant. And of course, he had GREAT stories. He got involved in the IRA very young, like 15 yo or something and by 20, was the main letter bomb expert in London (a one man show, I guess).

He told us about ending up in hospital for some letter bomb that went off on him (i think), how he spent the weeks after that recovering at the house of an IRA big wig (who had been killed), being taken care of by his wife and daughters when he was 19. He told stories about their gardenshed being full of explosives and detonating equipment! About the police coming to raid the house (while he was out at Mass one Sunday, lucky for him) but not finding any of the equipment (or not recognizing it anyhow). Anyhow, he mentioned seeing one of the daughters a few weeks ago when he was helping with Mass (oh, by the way, he's studying to be a priest now) and how shocking that was!

He told us a story about running into his best friend, a childhood friend that was devoted to art and had no idea that So'C was in the IRA, on the tube in London - one of those random meetings where neither had an idea that the other was in town and they got on the same subway, at the same stop, the same car and the same time. Random occurence. He talked about that same friend later, who used to come and visit him in prison every Sunday, who eventually got taken into the police because they thought he must somehow be involved as he was a friend of So'C. But he didn't know a thing.

He told stories about his career after he went to prison. He quit the IRA after prison (I can't figure out how you 'quit' but I guess he did) and he got a degree in english and then another in Computer Science. While he was working in that degree, he was addressing Congress in the U.S in regards to the IRA and peace process in Ireland. I guess he wrote his own book as well ('The Volunteer'). He gave lectures at Trinity College in CS stuff. He had stories about Sweden and what it was like to live there (he worked there for 3 years) because it is a country that has only 2 hours daylight in the winter.. He said people become very very quiet in the winter and talked about a boss that he took the train to work with every day, someone he talked to daily during the summer, told him that most people don't talk during the winter and stopped talking to him during their trips to the office come wintertime! LOL He also said, because of that, Swedish people like to have sex alot during the winter! He said he remembers giving a presentation at work and receiving texts the next day at work, would he like to have sex? etc.

As I said, now he is studying to be a priest. He joined the seminary in August and he was talking about life there - the other would-be priests, etc. He is just one of those people who seemed to have fit alot into a very short life (I suppose prison would do that to you, force you to look at your life differently). I really, really liked him.

And in the end, he's a good person to know. He arranged to introduce me to a women friend of his who is American but has lived and worked in Ireland for years. And HE DID. He called her while he was still at lunch with us, left her a message as she was out, then an hour after he left (while we were still there) he called me and told me to call her right away and left her number. I called her and we arranged to meet today (she had to cancel but we might do it tomorrow or wednesday - tough before the holidays, i understand!). Anyhow, she may have contacts for me or not but it'll be sooo nice to meet someone who might be able to push me the right direction! I'll keep you posted...

So, it was an interesting day, I must say. Sorry if I went on with the stories, but I just found the guy so intriguing. (Of course, he didn't stop talking the whole time... but that's another story! LOL)

mmm... my honey just brought me a Baileys on crushed ice so I must go now and give him a hug. yum! bye

Arriving at equilibrium

2004-12-10T18:15:00.000Z

Another day has passed and I'm feeling better. We got our Cmas tree today so by the end of the weekend, we should be all decorated! It feels good. I like it.

I moved myself and my unfinished Cmas cards into the kitchen. I sat at the dining room table, put on some music and cranked out all the remainder of my cards. I WAS working in front of the tv before. I'd get 2 cards done and I'd start watching 'Homes Under the Hammer' about people buying homes to renovate at auction and that would be it for me. Of course, they will all be late since I guess I was supposed to have them mailed out LAST week to be on time but such is life! I finished and I'm happy with that.

Today I went to the supermarket. I got to the store, drove around the parking lot, couldn't find a spot to park (and didn't see anyone leaving) so I drove to a different store that was also packed. So, I just drove home. I'd do this in the Bay Area as well. I just, for some reason, don't like to drive around waiting for parking at the mall or anywhere. I don't know... maybe its enclosed spaces or too much traffic or feeling claustrophobic... But I returned home without food and I got a 'look'. I explained what I did and then I got a frustrated sigh, like I'd done something beyond explanation, something that was 'not me'. I was surprised, as I know I can be like this. We had a long discussion and I explained where I was at - alot of what I mentioned here the other day... I hope I was clear and didn't blame him, as it certainly isn't his fault.. I think it went well. (But I still don't think he understands my driving around the parking lot and driving home but OH WELL. LOL)