Agreeing to disagree
There was a contest on the radio here, to match two people together and get them married... without ever having seen each other. So, I only listened on my way to and from the gym but apparently the DJs spent some time first finding a bride. I don't actually know how they were picked or anything but she got picked. Then they proceeded to 'introduce' her on the radio in order to find a groom and finally they had the groom and they just got married today.
Of course there was a lot of discussion on the various tv morning shows, is this a mockery of the sacrament of marriage etc? So M and I were talking about it. Of course, he feels very strongly about marriage and the vows that are associated with it. I feel the same way but I have an easier time looking at another side of things... I told him that although they don't know each other, they have a certain expectation of this marriage - in theory, that they want to be together and have a family and a bit of fun, and all the other things most people want from a marriage. While most people would rather be IN LOVE, they are choosing not to do that. It's like an arranged marriage, in a way. They have an expectation of each other's role in a marriage and how they can make things work rather than an expectation in the continuation of their love for one another.
Anyhow, he got irritated with me. He thinks they just want the money and the cars the radio station is giving them. That it doesn't mean anything. Maybe so. Maybe it IS a mockery of marriage. I keep saying that there's just as much chance of this working as for two people in love, I know it's cynical but it's a fact that around 50% of the people out there are getting divorced so even the people who *think* they are doing it for the right reasons, aren't managing to make it work for whatever reason. Who are we to say that these two people won't? Maybe they will learn to love each other. Maybe they won't. It takes more than love anyway, doesn't it?
I certainly don't know. It's not something I'd do. But to each his own.
Of course there was a lot of discussion on the various tv morning shows, is this a mockery of the sacrament of marriage etc? So M and I were talking about it. Of course, he feels very strongly about marriage and the vows that are associated with it. I feel the same way but I have an easier time looking at another side of things... I told him that although they don't know each other, they have a certain expectation of this marriage - in theory, that they want to be together and have a family and a bit of fun, and all the other things most people want from a marriage. While most people would rather be IN LOVE, they are choosing not to do that. It's like an arranged marriage, in a way. They have an expectation of each other's role in a marriage and how they can make things work rather than an expectation in the continuation of their love for one another.
Anyhow, he got irritated with me. He thinks they just want the money and the cars the radio station is giving them. That it doesn't mean anything. Maybe so. Maybe it IS a mockery of marriage. I keep saying that there's just as much chance of this working as for two people in love, I know it's cynical but it's a fact that around 50% of the people out there are getting divorced so even the people who *think* they are doing it for the right reasons, aren't managing to make it work for whatever reason. Who are we to say that these two people won't? Maybe they will learn to love each other. Maybe they won't. It takes more than love anyway, doesn't it?
I certainly don't know. It's not something I'd do. But to each his own.
posted by grrltraveler at Friday, December 03, 2004
4 Comments:
I think I'd be siding with you on this one, and I'm pretty sure that hubby would be siding with M. It's not that I take marriage lightly. LIke you, I think about arranged marriages. I don't have facts, but I've heard that they are just as successful as the traditional marriages.
On the other hand, this isn't exactly a traditional arranged marriage... hmmmm.... interesting.
Hmmm, I'm not so nuts about this contest marriage thing. On the other hand, I also recall hearing from several sources that arranged marriages can work out well. Sometimes I wonder if people who knew me well wouldn't do a better job picking out guys for me. (You know, how sometimes you just know one of your close friends is with someone totally wrong?) Anyway, I'm with Risble on this one... to each, his own!
I have to say I'm arguing with myself on this one, and it's actually making me think. I agree with you in certain respects, such as that an arranged marriage has as good a chance (or possibly slightly better) of being successful as the "usual" kind. So what is wrong with that sort of thing?
However, I think the difference between arranged marriages and this is that in the former, a mate is being chosen by people who know you and have met them, whereas here you are being matched totally randomly.
Finally, I think blind dates are great! It's similar to aspects of internet dating, which I'm obviously for ;). But I worry when people go into a marriage without knowing what they're getting into. It implies to me that they think to themselves "If it doesn't work out we can always get divorced" and I feel very strongly against that attitude.
Ok so I just blathered on at length saying that I don't know what I think. Sorry about that!
hugs,
R
I love reading all your comments on this!! Thanks for responding. I have to agree with R, the difference between an arranged marriage and this is that I think the general public or the radio announcers picked the spouses, I'm not sure the family was involved. This is a little different in that case. I also found out the other day that this marriage isn't 'official' yet, apparently they have to apply to the state for a marriage license which takes 3 months to get, then they need to decide whether they will do it in the church as well (the wedding was held in a local castle). So, they essentially have 3 months to decide. A little different than arranged marriages, I think.
I also agree with R that I don't like the attitude that 'if we go into this, we can always get divorced'. I hope that's not the case here but how could it not be? and from what Sal says, people in arranged marriages don't go into it with that attitude. But it may be here - Ireland is certainly catching up with the US in many ways - this being one of them.
Anyhow, thanks for your responses! Sal, especially thanks for yours as we don't have too many arranged marriages (that I know about in the US) so it's good to get another perspective!
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