Pity party, my turn
Anonymous G, you mentioned that my photos were smaller here than the way I used to do it, so I've included the link so that you can view all the photos in a slideshow. I hope that works better for you.
Not too much to say today. I think I mentioned we had an offer on the other house. We should be getting a deposit this coming week although that doesn't mean we are out of the clear until all the papers are signed. But that hasn't stopped us from planning some holidays! :)
I think I may have mentioned that my brother, his wife and 2-yr-old live in Milan, Italy right now. For a variety of reasons, I haven't been out to visit yet, mostly because, while they were never wild and crazy people, now the child seems to run the family and determine what they do and, well, it can be boring. I love my brother to bits but this was definitely a child 'for her' and there's a weird sort of vibe at their house. (At least there was the last time I was there.) So I've putting it off.
On top of that, M doesn't feel comfortable there, mostly because when we visited last August, my sister in law was absent during most dinners (feeding, bathing, and putting to sleep for 3 hours!) and my brother would go to bed quite early as he commuted early in the morning to get to work (they were living outside Chicago at the time). They weren't able to make it comfortable for him, I guess. Which puts me in the middle. I want to see my niece but don't want M to be there all the time and then I feel like I have to make his experience a good one. Does that make sense?
So we agreed that I would go a week early, he would come out and join us for 2 days, then he and I would take off for points unknown for a week or so. He's never been to Italy so it would be fun to show him Florence and the Italian Riviera. It sounds like a good deal, if they're up for it.
We are trying to squeeze a trip in before my friend comes to visit at the end of May for 10 days. Then AFTER she leaves, we are talking about a trip to San Diego for 6 weeks. My parents will be travelling for a few weeks and we'll have the house and cars to our own. Then they come back and we spend some time with them, until we have to return near the end of July for my next set of friends to visit!
After that, we need to figure out what's going on. We are starting the paperwork for the f1ance visa soon, still going that route. But we have soooo many options for what to do with our lives. I know I've blathered on about this many times. We would both enjoy a B&B (although we might put that off for a few years), we would be open to anywhere in Europe, or the States. We can't decide. We like to joke that we are in 'paralysis by analysis'.
At the end of the day, I told him I need to work. Some kind of work. Something to feel accomplished, I'm definitely flagging in this department again. I need us to say, okay we are going to be *here (*insert city, country here) so that I can get a job, apply for school, buy some chickens, open the B&B, whatever it is. I will be happy as long as I am productive and I'm not feeling the least bit productive. And I can't get motivated to be productive. I just need one thing to get the ball rolling. Sigh. Been here, done this before.
Why can't I feel this here? I just don't. It's always felt temporary to me, like there was something different we were going to do. If we were staying in Ireland, we were going to find a house in the country but now we are leaning away from that due to housing prices and the weather. Gosh, I don't want to post this because I sound like such a whiner. I'm going to stop because, truth be told, there's just no good reason for me to not be *doing*. The rest is all excuses.
Not too much to say today. I think I mentioned we had an offer on the other house. We should be getting a deposit this coming week although that doesn't mean we are out of the clear until all the papers are signed. But that hasn't stopped us from planning some holidays! :)
I think I may have mentioned that my brother, his wife and 2-yr-old live in Milan, Italy right now. For a variety of reasons, I haven't been out to visit yet, mostly because, while they were never wild and crazy people, now the child seems to run the family and determine what they do and, well, it can be boring. I love my brother to bits but this was definitely a child 'for her' and there's a weird sort of vibe at their house. (At least there was the last time I was there.) So I've putting it off.
On top of that, M doesn't feel comfortable there, mostly because when we visited last August, my sister in law was absent during most dinners (feeding, bathing, and putting to sleep for 3 hours!) and my brother would go to bed quite early as he commuted early in the morning to get to work (they were living outside Chicago at the time). They weren't able to make it comfortable for him, I guess. Which puts me in the middle. I want to see my niece but don't want M to be there all the time and then I feel like I have to make his experience a good one. Does that make sense?
So we agreed that I would go a week early, he would come out and join us for 2 days, then he and I would take off for points unknown for a week or so. He's never been to Italy so it would be fun to show him Florence and the Italian Riviera. It sounds like a good deal, if they're up for it.
We are trying to squeeze a trip in before my friend comes to visit at the end of May for 10 days. Then AFTER she leaves, we are talking about a trip to San Diego for 6 weeks. My parents will be travelling for a few weeks and we'll have the house and cars to our own. Then they come back and we spend some time with them, until we have to return near the end of July for my next set of friends to visit!
After that, we need to figure out what's going on. We are starting the paperwork for the f1ance visa soon, still going that route. But we have soooo many options for what to do with our lives. I know I've blathered on about this many times. We would both enjoy a B&B (although we might put that off for a few years), we would be open to anywhere in Europe, or the States. We can't decide. We like to joke that we are in 'paralysis by analysis'.
At the end of the day, I told him I need to work. Some kind of work. Something to feel accomplished, I'm definitely flagging in this department again. I need us to say, okay we are going to be *here (*insert city, country here) so that I can get a job, apply for school, buy some chickens, open the B&B, whatever it is. I will be happy as long as I am productive and I'm not feeling the least bit productive. And I can't get motivated to be productive. I just need one thing to get the ball rolling. Sigh. Been here, done this before.
Why can't I feel this here? I just don't. It's always felt temporary to me, like there was something different we were going to do. If we were staying in Ireland, we were going to find a house in the country but now we are leaning away from that due to housing prices and the weather. Gosh, I don't want to post this because I sound like such a whiner. I'm going to stop because, truth be told, there's just no good reason for me to not be *doing*. The rest is all excuses.
posted by grrltraveler at Saturday, May 07, 2005
1 Comments:
I understand what you're saying. Sometimes when I worry about my job, I think "what would I be without my job?" Contributing (money at home, my skills at work) is a huge part of my self esteem.
I think when you feel settled, everything else will fall into place. The hard part is finding a place where you feel like you belong.
hugs
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