A little ho-hum

This weekend has been fine, pretty low-key and all.

I think I got a little excited about the possibility that we might finally be moving towards moving back to the States. To just making a decision about our life and starting it, instead of living in this sort-of-limbo. But then we had a little talk - about his fears about selling the house, of us not working out, of all the options we have and is that making us seem not committed to one thing. We both have very different outlooks on life. In the last few years, I've always approached my big decisions with 'What's the worst thing that can happen?' on my mind. I look at each option and follow it down to the 'worst' path I can think of and then I come up with solutions to each of those fears of perceived problems. It works well for me. When I sold my condo, I thought 'What's the worst that could happen?' and I thought of the outcome, we wouldn't work out, I wouldn't be able to live in the Bay Area again because I wouldn't be able to afford it. But at the end of the day, I didn't really want to stay in the Bay Area forever... by selling the condo, even if it didn't work out, I wouldn't be tied to that property. I could go and stay in France with my friend, or Milan with my brother, or with a friend in Seattle til I got back on my feet. It doesn't really seem like a scary thing anymore. It just is. But for him, it's much harder than that. I try to use my approach and it works momentarily but at the end of the day, he needs to work it out for himself. And at the end of the day, I don't care what we do as long as we are together. But we need to make a d-e-c-i-s-i-o-n. We need to either:

1. decide to stay in the semi detached in Dublin. we still have to do a civil ceremony so i can work(necessary for my sanity in the long run) and then i look for a job.
2. sell the Dublin house, buy this great guesthouse we saw in Clare and make it a B&B. i start raising chickens, we buy a couple golden retrievers and we create a lovely walking track on the 28 acres of forest land (sounds nice, doesn't it? :))
3. sell the Dublin house and buy the lovely B&B in Cabo that we saw and start a new life in Mexico. ;)
4. sell the Dublin house and move to San Diego, Medford, Seattle, Albuquerque, etc, etc. and start a life there. also involves marriage-type thing if we live in the U.S.

etc, etc.

Yes, it looks like we are confused but at the end of the day, we just need to decide and follow that path. I'm ready to start that now.

I realize I've been here almost 8 months and haven't done much. Okay, hardly anything. How will I explain my break when I go back to actually looking for a job? (I'm sure I'll think of something) I thought I'd work out a lot, instead of taken a two month break from almost all activity except for walking. I thought I'd do some volunteer work although my travel got in the way and then the fact that nobody seemed to appreciate when I showed up. I got frustrated and quit that. I have been the most unmotivated of my life. I still am. I really need to get back to work - to some sort of structure, some time to my own. To be honest, I kind of want to go home. With him, of course. But I kind of want to go. But I'm probably just in the dumps and I'll feel differently tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.