A moment on my own

Ok. as far as the hair goes... here's the before and after photos. I will leave it public about a week or so, for lack of a better way to do it. :)

..gone now..

Sunday night.. it's getting harder and harder to get online. Seems most days now, M is on most of the day with the online trading. At least I try to leave it to him and not get into reading everyone's blogs and responding during daytime hours so he can work on it. In the evenings then, I again feel 'guilty' for spending my time locked up in the boxroom instead of spending time with him. Sure, he's watching tv and I don't really like tv. Given my choice, I'd read a book or chat online with friends. But I feel like I at least need to be in the room with him, otherwise we end up like two ships passing in the night, when we are actually in the same house all day.

I know all that stuff about how the guilt is my issue, I need to have my time with my friends (whether online or in person) and I haven't been. I struggle with balancing the two things. If I was home, I'd want to go out with my girlfriends once in a while. I'd probably talk to them on the phone more often and it would be fine. I know rationally there shouldn't be any reason I don't spend my evenings online (at least a few). M hasnt been driving the taxi lately, even though I've actually been hoping he'd go out so I could get online and have a good chat with the girls, write a post or two and respond to my friends' blogs. Then I feel a little guilty about wishing he'd drive the taxi and give me some space! LOL I really need to get a bit of a life! :)

To be fair, he's really good at being aware of my needs. He knows I am more social and like to be doing things. He just asked me what I'd like to be doing in the evenings and he's been making an effort. I guess it's just because I am home all the time, that it seems more necessary than ever that I get out of the house on occasion. He's trying to make that happen for me and I love him for that.

He just came in here and we were discussing our plans for this year. We always get stuck here as we don't know what we are going to do. I am here and can't work. If he comes to the States, he can't work (basically because he doesn't have a definite career at this point) so then what? He's the same as me, only there. Sure, the weather is nicer but do I want to subject him to this? Not really. It isn't the answer. I don't know what it is right now. I guess I need to do some more thinking...