Something I was thinking about...

Seems I'm always thinking about my posts when I try to go to bed at night.. What ends up happening is that it keeps me awake, writing out the post in my head, and I lay there for a long time without falling asleep. Another place I think about what I'm going to blog about is in the car, when I'm driving to the gym, or yoga. I never remember what I was going to say by the time I get home, however. LOL

Tonight I decided to get up and blog. I was thinking of something M said to me, something that he says often and I'm always curious about my response. He said, 'you know you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.' I always say thanks but I always tend to go off and think about it, overanalyze it you might say, the 'old A' I like to call it.

The 'old A' thought too much about everything, how each comment reflected something about her, whatever. I don't do this too often and I certainly didn't do this when he made this comment. I guess I've dated enough guys in my time that have used lines like this. (it may or may not have been a line, i'm sure he probably believes this to be true, i'm not trying to judge him.. :)) My experience tells me that this has never before been an accurate statement, or maybe it is true. AT THAT MOMENT, I was the best thing that ever happened to that person.. I don't know.

What I DO know, is that I probably would never say that to anyone. I don't think a person should be the best thing to ever happen to someone. Sure, the love of your life is a wonderful thing and that person may make us immensely happy.. I'm not going to tell other people what they should think but FOR ME, I just never have felt these words want to pass my lips. (well, maybe they did when I was young, I don't remember that either!)

The best thing that has happened in my life was saying goodbye to the 'old A'. It was more about me than somebody else. I hope that doesn't make me egotistical or selfish or callous. It was learning that A is a person to be reckoned with, that I matter, that people should give a shit about whether they hurt me or treat me poorly. It was realizing that I was smarter than i ever gave myself credit for, that I was more capable than I ever thought, that I was BRAVE even, for traveling the world on my own - wait, not even 'traveling' but just leaving home to travel on my own, full stop. Most people wouldn't do that. It wasn't until after I traveled and came home that I gave myself credit for any of these things.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect. I hope this post didn't sound like I am full of myself but I AM so I guess it's okay. I know you girls will still like me because you are all smart, capable women as well. Who've learned your lessons as well and know who YOU are. So, I know.. it's a weird thing to post about but it was on my mind. I'm not even sure if it made any sense.... LOL

G'night