Photos of Italy

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been online, I have a friend visiting and we've been playing around in Dublin, drinking much beer and flirting with boys. My friend actually has a date tonight with someone we met on Friday night! The Irish are wonderful..



I will add the link to the photos I uploaded from Italy. Nothing too exciting but lots of beautiful scenery. This photo I added was a little artwork found on one of the walks we did called the Via dell'amore. Hence, the lovers....

Here's some more photos.

I'll write more soon. I've been reading blogs just haven't been doing much else. monica, hugs to you girl, sounds like you are going through some sh1t. I've been sending you positive vibes although I know you got it covered. Take care all.

When the moon hits your eye...

like a big pizza pie, that's AMORE! ;)

Hi all, I'm back. This is a very quick one. I have so much to say but no time to write it. I have a friend arriving in town tomorrow but may be able to download photos and give a brief description at some point this weekend.

Suffice it to say, it was a great, much needed trip. It was great to spend time with my niece, regardless of how I feel personally about having kids. It was great travelling (traveling? it looks wrong spelled either way!) around by train, reminded me of backpacking through Europe when I was in college only we had more money this time. LOL We saw some beautiful places and it was nice because I spent a good part of 6 months living in Italy when I was 20 and this time I went to places we didn't hit then. I loved it.

Looking forward to our next trip. Heading out to the States in two weeks time. Possibly searching out a new home!

Talk to you all soon. I hope everyone is doing well. I'll try to get onto your blogs to say HI..

The child debate..

I found this story on Yah00 this morning... Also, I forgot to mention that both Spain and Italy are in similar minds for different reasons. In Spain, the generation that is mine and slightly younger apparently is CFBC because they are enjoying their lives too much the way they are. And I guess in Italy, the child bearing age is much higher, people live at home til they are my age and have children much later than we do at home, which kind of leads to smaller family sizes..

Just a quick note between my regularly written posts, for those who are interested.. :))

I *love* thunder storms!!!!

Thanks to everyone's comments on my last post and the one before it.

My uncle did pass away the day they took him off life support and he is living a drag racers life somewhere beyond this one. As I mentioned, my mom is really crushed but I was able to talk to her yesterday and she sounded better. She told me that M sent her an email saying she was sorry about her loss and that his mother was having a mass said for him. My mother isn't hugely religious but was brought up Cath0lic and said she was really touched by that. I got a great guy, I have to say. :)

As for yesterdays post, I love the responses it bring up from everyone. I'm glad to know that I am not the only one... although as I said in my comments, I'm not necessarily CFBC (child free by choice) just undecided at this point. And frankly, I've never been in a position to think about it very seriously anyway. There was a point when i would've had a kid on my own.. not knowing exactly how much work that was, of course... and thankfully I passed that point awhile ago. I know that it requires WAY more work than I can possibly imagine, even with two parents involved.

So, the title of this post anyhow. We are having a fantastic thunderstorm right now, as I type. I LOVE thunderstorms (there are church bells ringing in the distance as well!) and the sound of this is awesome... It's truly dumping out there! WOO HOO!!!

That's all. M arrives tomorrow and we'll plan our next weeks adventure. Looking forward to it!

Most convincing argument for/against having children

So, it's been what 5 days now? Not too bad but ready to move on. It's hard spending every day with someone with children (child, in this case) because you just can't move as easily as you can without. For someone who has never had children, planning a schedule around a child becomes tedious even though in the back of mind, I understand the necessity. The fact is, I'm selfish. LOL

My niece is really cute. I have to say that. But the reality is that she is TWO. Two and a few months. And she's one of these 'active' kids, which means she is never sitting still. Ok, right now she's having a nap but when she wakes up, she'll be running through the apartment, climbing and jumping off the furniture (glad I don't live downstairs!) and probably shrieking a bit. I know, I know... this is what they DO. But it can be exhausting. Once again, I'm glad M is coming next week and we are taking off. He'd never deal with this and well, I guess a week is enough for me too. I'm sure it would be different if I'd had kids and have something to compare it to. Maybe.

She's going through a phase where she wants mommy all the time. I know this is a phase they go through, it might even be a long phase. I watched my sister-in-law yesterday in the car, with a sinus headache, trying to placate my niece who wanted her to read every book in the car. No one else would do. Well, someone else probably would do but she (my SIL) doesn't let anyone take over. I don't know if that's the right phrase but it seems like because she's been doing it all by herself this whole time, she's in a place where now NO one can help her. Does that make any sense?

Anyhow, I don't know if I could handle that phase... I don't think I could deal with someone needing me every minute of every day. I know if I think about it too much, I'll never have kids. In fact, I may already be at that point. I see why people do it, I enjoy them on the happy moments but I MAY be too selfish to give up that much of myself. Gosh, that sounds awful, doesn't it? Ah well. It's a reality. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I get all wistful thinking about M and I having a little squirt of our own, especially the longer I stay away from spending loads of time with kids. LOL

Ok, I know you've heard it all before from me... but there it is again. LOL

Not-so-good news...

Been having a lovely time here, a very good day today. The Italian people are so FRIENDLY! I love it.

But some bad news.... I didn't mention anything before but last weekend my uncle, my mother's brother, was in a bad accident. For as long as I've known him, he's raced dragsters during the summer. We weren't particularly close... probably the last time I saw them was at my grandmother's 80th birthday about 7 or 8 years ago. He was a great guy though, from what I knew, always liked him.

Anyhow, he hit a wall last week during a trial or something in Texas (they are from MN) and his car burst into flames and well, he's been on life support all week. Today, in order to his living will, they took him off life support... I guess it won't be long now. They were keeping everyone up to date on a website from a group called Caring Bridge, which was pretty awesome, all the people sending thoughts and prayers... anyhow the last post was about this...

My brother called my mom to get the details, then he handed the phone to me... I can't tell you how I felt as I heard my mother sobbing in the phone... I've NEVER heard her sob like that, not even when her father died and it breaks my heart.... I truly hurt for her and my aunt (her sister).. I told her we would talk tomorrow and hung up the phone...

Gosh, I feel sad for their loss.... for their family.... for his wife who obviously adored him and they seemed to have a true partnership.... my thoughts and prayers go out to them....

And R, haven't heard anything from you in a few days... I hope you are okay. Hugs to you girl...

Buon giorno, tutti!

Gosh it's been ages since I've been in Italy. All my Italian is out the window and when I think of it, it all comes up in Spanish! It's hard to believe after a two and a half hour flight, I'm hanging around in a completely different country, as well as culture. I'll never get used to it. It's wonderful.

The sun was shining when I arrived this morning, which is a good sign since it was supposed to be raining. It's about 10 degrees warmer here so that feels nice too. I was able to take my fleece off this afternoon and walk around in my shirt sleeves. I miss that! Anyhow, my sister-in-law S and my niece A were there to meet me - at the airport. A is 2 years old, I think I mentioned, and is cute as a button. In fact, disregard everything I said in my last post about it, I think things have improved. All is looking pretty well here compared to the last time. I guess the fact that the baby's grown up a bit is a big difference.

Anyhow, we came back to their apartment here in Monza. It's just a short drive outside of Milan and home to an international raceway. In fact, they just had some kind of motorcycle racing here last weekend. Formula one also races here, I guess. Anyhow, we walked down towards the track (close to their apt is a HUGE park and the raceway is at one end). We walked through this gorgeous, HUGE park, lazily enjoying the sunshine and a nice chat. (Did I mention the park was HUGE?)

We came back and relaxed a bit, then my brother returned home from work. Just in time for their Italian instructor to come by (the company has given them an instructor for a certain number of hours). My brother and I took the baby to the park (a different park). All the Italian mothers were out there with their babies (lots of apartment living means everyone goes to play at the local park) and small children - mothers dressed to the nines in their designer gear, babies as well. We actually saw a small boy in a little white sweater and white pants out there! He probably didn't get to do anything fun, lest his outfit be ruined! Poor thing. Other than that, it's a nice idea actually. People getting together with their neighbors for an hour or so at the park, then home for the 9pm (or later) dinner. It's a different lifestyle, isn't it?

And the people are friendly. And they make eye contact! And the old men's glances linger and I DON'T CARE! I'm just so glad someone is making eye contact, even if it's kind of creepy.. LOL
I just give it back and smile wildly and say 'Buon giorno!'

La dolce vita

Finally I am starting to take advantage of being in Europe. Europe! I am taking a flight to Milan tomorrow so will be out of touch again. My brother has internet at home so there is the possibility of me checking in on people but not sure about writing... we'll see.

Hugs to you all and yes, G, I'll have a glass or two of sangiovese for you.. (twist my arm! LOL)

Until we meet again...

And now, a word from our regularly scheduled program

My mood has lifted, as I expected it would. I know there's a weird vibe in the house right now, all this talk about life changing decisions has us both a little stressed. I can see that my mood is a product of what I am feeling about myself and my life, even though I want to blame it on his snippy mood. I know his snippy mood is probably related to the same thing, or maybe my attitude, or more likely, a little of both.

I made plans to go to Milan this week and see my brother, his wife and my niece. I'm looking forward to it, not only to see them but also for a little time away. I need a bit of 'me' time. Himself will come along after a week and the two of us are planning our little week away. Cinqueterre is the place I want to go.. I've done most of Italy, since I lived there for about 6 months. M's never been so it's whatever he'd like to do, really. I'm open to whatever. (We've started looking at old Tuscan country houses there! LOL)

Anyhow, that's it for today. My dad sent me a photo that I've been wanting to post, something that made me laugh the first time I saw it and always makes me chuckle.. Still wondering exactly what it means... (I'm guessing 'the end of the road')

Pity party, my turn

Anonymous G, you mentioned that my photos were smaller here than the way I used to do it, so I've included the link so that you can view all the photos in a slideshow. I hope that works better for you.

Not too much to say today. I think I mentioned we had an offer on the other house. We should be getting a deposit this coming week although that doesn't mean we are out of the clear until all the papers are signed. But that hasn't stopped us from planning some holidays! :)

I think I may have mentioned that my brother, his wife and 2-yr-old live in Milan, Italy right now. For a variety of reasons, I haven't been out to visit yet, mostly because, while they were never wild and crazy people, now the child seems to run the family and determine what they do and, well, it can be boring. I love my brother to bits but this was definitely a child 'for her' and there's a weird sort of vibe at their house. (At least there was the last time I was there.) So I've putting it off.

On top of that, M doesn't feel comfortable there, mostly because when we visited last August, my sister in law was absent during most dinners (feeding, bathing, and putting to sleep for 3 hours!) and my brother would go to bed quite early as he commuted early in the morning to get to work (they were living outside Chicago at the time). They weren't able to make it comfortable for him, I guess. Which puts me in the middle. I want to see my niece but don't want M to be there all the time and then I feel like I have to make his experience a good one. Does that make sense?

So we agreed that I would go a week early, he would come out and join us for 2 days, then he and I would take off for points unknown for a week or so. He's never been to Italy so it would be fun to show him Florence and the Italian Riviera. It sounds like a good deal, if they're up for it.

We are trying to squeeze a trip in before my friend comes to visit at the end of May for 10 days. Then AFTER she leaves, we are talking about a trip to San Diego for 6 weeks. My parents will be travelling for a few weeks and we'll have the house and cars to our own. Then they come back and we spend some time with them, until we have to return near the end of July for my next set of friends to visit!

After that, we need to figure out what's going on. We are starting the paperwork for the f1ance visa soon, still going that route. But we have soooo many options for what to do with our lives. I know I've blathered on about this many times. We would both enjoy a B&B (although we might put that off for a few years), we would be open to anywhere in Europe, or the States. We can't decide. We like to joke that we are in 'paralysis by analysis'.

At the end of the day, I told him I need to work. Some kind of work. Something to feel accomplished, I'm definitely flagging in this department again. I need us to say, okay we are going to be *here (*insert city, country here) so that I can get a job, apply for school, buy some chickens, open the B&B, whatever it is. I will be happy as long as I am productive and I'm not feeling the least bit productive. And I can't get motivated to be productive. I just need one thing to get the ball rolling. Sigh. Been here, done this before.

Why can't I feel this here? I just don't. It's always felt temporary to me, like there was something different we were going to do. If we were staying in Ireland, we were going to find a house in the country but now we are leaning away from that due to housing prices and the weather. Gosh, I don't want to post this because I sound like such a whiner. I'm going to stop because, truth be told, there's just no good reason for me to not be *doing*. The rest is all excuses.

Me and single malt scotch

I forgot to tell about one of the great bits of our trip to Scotland! We passed many, many distilleries on our way around Scotland - including Glenlivet, which most people know. Unfortunately, since we were touring around by CAR, which involves driving, and the fact that we were in kind of the 'off' season as far as opening hours are concerned, we weren't able to go to too many.

The goal became finding one that did a 'free' tour with a tasting. But we let it go too long (meaning the trip was coming to an end) and finally one sunny day, we stopped at a small one called Ben Nevis. If you are like me, you've probably never heard of it. Because they produce a smaller amount than some of the big names you know, they mostly export to Europe and Japan. Anyhow, it's a privately owned distillery and while it wasn't free, it was only £2 to get the tour and tasting. AND, we each got £3 off a bottle with our ticket stubs. Not bad.

I'm a huge fan of single malts and I have to admit I do like a smoky taste. I drink it neat, with a glass of water on the side. I acquired this taste for scotch when I was in my late 20's, I dated a 40 something guy and we used to go out in Seattle, listen to jazz piano, drink single malt and smoke cloves. Tres chic! Or poseurs. Depends on which way you look at it, I guess. LOL

I learned quite a bit about 'single' malt, which is really a misnomer. The guy who did the tour was a wealth of knowledge. He kept teasing my dad and I (being the only Americans on the tour) that we probably had more of a taste for Johnnie Walker and that sort of thing. While my dad DOES drink that stuff, I've never actually liked blended whisky unless it's the end of the night, I'm drunk and it's mixed with Coke or something. I was slightly offended and told him I never drank the stuff. I think I rose in his estimation and we started to hit it off after that. LOL

After the tour, we were fortunate to get a tasting. The guide poured us all a tiny amount and I tasted it. It wasn't bad, I had to admit, even after learning that most 'single' malts are actually blended (blended meaning, different ages, different casks and different areas where aged might be in the same bottle. the 'youngest age' of the scotch added to a bottle, gives it it's 'age') and I was tasting a blended scotch. He gave us tips about tasting and actually said that it's okay to use a 'little' water (after the first sip) because the water will bring out different flavors in the scotch. I was the only one still standing there listening to him (as it was the end of the tour) so he brought out a few more bottles of older scotch and poured me the more expensive stuff!

Of course, the best was the 12 year I think it was... At £23, it should be. (I'm sure even older was better but I didn't managed to get him to pour me any of that!) I was fairly buzzed by then but fortunately they had a little cafe where my parents and I got some lunch. I was hoping to buy a bottle but something about being unemployed, having my parents footing the bill on my Scotland trip, and it just being odd to buy alcohol in front of them stopped me.

It wasn't until later that evening that we remembered the 3 tickets at £3 each (must've been the alcohol clouding my thought processes!)... I could've gotten my nice bottle of Ben Nevis for £14! Damn. They don't sell it in the stores. They don't sell it in duty free.. So, I guess I have to wait until my next trip back to Scotland.

More organized than I'll ever be

Gosh, I've been sitting inside here in the office on this mostly lovely day, on a site called V1saJourney and let me tell you... the process is daunting. Fortunately, this great site has a forum where you can ask questions, where most people have listed the timeline of their V1sa process. But the amount of paperwork! Whew! I'm overwhelmed just because I'm not the most organized person who ever lived.

Some of the things they ask for are easy. I can provide proof that we've met in person in the past two years (well, obviously because I'm living here and passport stamps also work), I can provide my birth cert (which I emailed my parents to send without giving any details of why I needed it), we can take the passport photos and he can provide the Divorce Decree.

Later on it'll get trickier. I need to provide proof that I can support him. They ask for 3 most recent pay stubs, tax return (I have one from last year but only worked part of the year), and proof of assets and/or accounts with money. Nobody can seem to tell me for sure if my Lynch account will be enough but some *seem* to think it will be. I'd hate to have that wrong but I don't exactly want to ask anyone to sponsor him! Hopefully it won't come to that.

Anyhow, this is just the beginning. He's mentioning it again but I still seem to be the one doing the work. Why is that? I told him it feels like he doesn't really want it as much but he insists that's not the case. I know it's not but you know what I mean... I guess the first bit is really MY part to do anyway, we each have some paperwork to fill out but I have to send it in since I'm the American whose petitioning. I guess that's okay. He'll be forced to do his bit later - interviews and such.

It's all good. I'm feeling happy about it again. Thanks for all your support out there. Even the hugs. It's exactly what I need!

A little bit of news...

requiring some fingers crossed please... :)

We got an offer on the other house. The one that was being re-worked, remodeled whatever. M decided to sell while I was in Scotland and I supported whatever he wanted to do. We decided that we'd try and see if he could sell - before the big money projects got started (electrics, plumbing) - and he put up a crazy price. Today he got a call saying someone had offered it and we accepted! We don't have any earnest money yet and they could still pull out but I think it bodes well for our future..

We also spoke to an agent about putting this house up as well. That's still in the 'discussion' phase but who knows?

I posted a bunch of photos today one post down. Take care, all!

Photos of Scotland

A few scenes from Scotland. Hopefully you can see what I was trying to capture:


Rush Hour




Church in Edinburgh




Edinburgh Castle (it was hard to avoid the ice cream truck in the photo)




Spring Colors come to Edinburgh




Loch Ness




Sweetheart Abbey & Cemetary




I really didn't get too many shots that I was terribly proud of, even though we saw a lot of beautiful places. Edinburgh is one of the prettiest cities I've seen. And clean. I *highly* recommend a visit.

A little ho-hum

This weekend has been fine, pretty low-key and all.

I think I got a little excited about the possibility that we might finally be moving towards moving back to the States. To just making a decision about our life and starting it, instead of living in this sort-of-limbo. But then we had a little talk - about his fears about selling the house, of us not working out, of all the options we have and is that making us seem not committed to one thing. We both have very different outlooks on life. In the last few years, I've always approached my big decisions with 'What's the worst thing that can happen?' on my mind. I look at each option and follow it down to the 'worst' path I can think of and then I come up with solutions to each of those fears of perceived problems. It works well for me. When I sold my condo, I thought 'What's the worst that could happen?' and I thought of the outcome, we wouldn't work out, I wouldn't be able to live in the Bay Area again because I wouldn't be able to afford it. But at the end of the day, I didn't really want to stay in the Bay Area forever... by selling the condo, even if it didn't work out, I wouldn't be tied to that property. I could go and stay in France with my friend, or Milan with my brother, or with a friend in Seattle til I got back on my feet. It doesn't really seem like a scary thing anymore. It just is. But for him, it's much harder than that. I try to use my approach and it works momentarily but at the end of the day, he needs to work it out for himself. And at the end of the day, I don't care what we do as long as we are together. But we need to make a d-e-c-i-s-i-o-n. We need to either:

1. decide to stay in the semi detached in Dublin. we still have to do a civil ceremony so i can work(necessary for my sanity in the long run) and then i look for a job.
2. sell the Dublin house, buy this great guesthouse we saw in Clare and make it a B&B. i start raising chickens, we buy a couple golden retrievers and we create a lovely walking track on the 28 acres of forest land (sounds nice, doesn't it? :))
3. sell the Dublin house and buy the lovely B&B in Cabo that we saw and start a new life in Mexico. ;)
4. sell the Dublin house and move to San Diego, Medford, Seattle, Albuquerque, etc, etc. and start a life there. also involves marriage-type thing if we live in the U.S.

etc, etc.

Yes, it looks like we are confused but at the end of the day, we just need to decide and follow that path. I'm ready to start that now.

I realize I've been here almost 8 months and haven't done much. Okay, hardly anything. How will I explain my break when I go back to actually looking for a job? (I'm sure I'll think of something) I thought I'd work out a lot, instead of taken a two month break from almost all activity except for walking. I thought I'd do some volunteer work although my travel got in the way and then the fact that nobody seemed to appreciate when I showed up. I got frustrated and quit that. I have been the most unmotivated of my life. I still am. I really need to get back to work - to some sort of structure, some time to my own. To be honest, I kind of want to go home. With him, of course. But I kind of want to go. But I'm probably just in the dumps and I'll feel differently tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.